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Monday, July 26, 2010

Too Much Silence...

Too much silence gives me too much time to think. Hurtful memories are floating to the surface tonight.

Isn't too much to say tonight. Started my new job last Monday. It's still so...surreal. My body is still adjusting to the new hours but that's minor. There seems to be alot less stress. I think it'll be alot less stress and I really like my office manager. She's incredibly knowledgable and we get along great. I anticipate being very happy today.

I think I'm going to go read for awhile.

Random Facts :If you could unfolded your brain, it would cover an ironing board

Friday, July 16, 2010

You are not alone.

Those 4 little words are so very comforting. They ease the clouds and stop the rain, most especially when they come from a friend. It's also heartbreaking because you know what they're feeling, what they're going through, the pain they endure on almost a daily basis when you wouldn't wish that upon anyone ever. Not this kind of pain; the kind of pain that isn't from anything visible or fixable. Pain that only time and patience can ease.

I'm very grateful to and for all of my friends and family. They are always there with a shoulder, an ear, and a hug when I need it most. They are also there to kick me in the butt when I want to give up and become a hermit. I love them more than words can say and I'll never be able to fully repay them for the kindness and love that they have shown me.

I only have one more working day left at Walmart then I'm onto Albion Dental. I'm excited and nervous to be moving on to new challenges as well as sad and torn about leaving my friends and a job that I know I'm one of the best at what I do. I'm thankful that it's going to be a small office in the beginning; that will allow me to get my feet underneath me.

Ok - break time is over - still have a few things left to do before company arrives.

Random Fact: The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I hate this.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.



I hate that this is so hard. I hate that we have to wait yet another month losing more time. I hate that it's this month that this chose to happen. I hate that everyone is so nonchalant about it like it's no big deal. Well it is to me! I know that it happens frequently and yes I know they go away but why now? It's not like we've done anything different in the last month than we've done in the past months.

I HATE THIS.

I hate feeling like it's never gonna happen. I hate not knowing and having to wonder. Is someone really trying to give us a sign that this really shouldn't happen? Does someone have a voodo doll of me and is poking it relentlessly with pins? I just want answers and they're not there.

I'm so sick of hearing relax, and "your body is just telling you you're not ready" and it'll get better - it's just a month. I've already give up 4 months this year with the surgery and now I have to give up, at a minimum, one more. It's not fair! I was so excited to be able to try something different. I'm so tired of seeing everyone around me get what they want and J and I struggle day in and day out. I swear I'd love life as a hermit.

Random Fact: Ben and Jerry's sends the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Still Waiting....

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate waiting? I mean I really detest waiting; it's probably my least favorite thing to do. Sunday will be 2 weeks since I started taking the medication to jump start my cycle. I know it's still possible to get pregnant, even if you're taking the medication but I know it's also not common so I'm not getting my hopes up. I still want to test - just to reassure myself - but I also think I should just wait - it'll show up regardless...and the reason for that is that it seems like every time I test I get my period within 48 hours...Maybe I should then...LOL...

I get to go shopping tomorrow for clothes for my new job! I'm really pysched about this. It's finally starting to feel real. It's finally starting to feel like I really have the job and am going to be making a difference in something. I'm hoping there's less stress or atleast a less stressful kind of stress...if that makes any sense...I know there are going to be challenges but I'm confident I'm going to overcome them and triumph.

Off to bed I go...maybe I'll try writing a bit more before bed....I've thought about posting some of my short stories here but am not sure...thoughts?

Random Fact: Even Antarctica has an area code. It’s 672.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Independence Day

Happy Birthday America!!! Today we celebrate and come together as a proud nation. :)

Today is also the day that I gave my two weeks notice to my current employer. I feel sad because I know I'm leaving a good group of people but I have to do what's best for not only my family but also for myself. I'm excited to start my new job with new challenges and for a new environment.

Funny thing is I love to write yet the words for my letter of resignation are failing to come to me or fall into their proper place. Nothing seems...right. I mean I don't want to say "Hey I quit!" but I don't want to come across as waffling like I'm unsure of my decision. I also want to express my gratitude because they (the company and the staff) allowed me a great deal of experience and opportunities; some of which probably assisted me in getting my current job.

I don't like it when words fail me. Especially when I really need them not to...Ok enough blabbering from me (because the words don't seem to be failing on this page...) I need to go finish my letter and get my behind to bed.

Random Fact: A chicken will lay bigger and stronger eggs if you change the lighting in such a way as to make them think a day is 28 hours long!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Good Times and Sunny Days Rock.

Can I just how much I love being on vacation? So far, even despite the week's starting weather which was rainy, I have had a blast and we didn't even go anywhere. Just stayed home...It's been so relaxing and unstressful. It's going to be rough going back on Sunday...

I've managed to get most of the last of the painting in the bathroom done...J just needs to get the last of the moulding cut so it can get painted and hung and then the bathroom will be done!!!! Done. 100% completely nothing left to do but enjoy done! I love finishing projects; it just makes the house feel more like ours. Granted it should probably already feel that way seeing as how we've been in the house for awhile but I love remodeling and putting our touch on things. Making the remodeling choice easier is the fact that the people who lived here prior to us had absolutely no taste and wallpapered everything is the most gaudy wallpaper imaginable. I'm talking 7 layers of wallpaper in 1 room alone - one of which is a black background with little neon hot pink flowers.

I can't seem to get into the summer television. There doesn't seem to be anything worth watching on or maybe I just haven't seen the right show. Reality television bothers me. I mean Survivor is a joke - if it was truly "survivor" they would strap some cameras to trees, drop them on some no name uncharted island and come back in 12 weeks (or whatever the time frame is) and whoever hasn't looked at the camera and said - I'm done! Get me off this freaking island, I want to go home - splits the pot. Drop the occasional food/fresh water crate...give them a satellite phone to call if someone gets hurt...heck even have a "safety" officer on hand to make sure everything is ok but this "tribal council", immunity contests, and you get voted off stuff is kinda lame and seriously - how is that surviving? Maybe I'm looking at it too literally. I have a tendency to do that.

Another thing I don't get is why reality television has become so popular. I mean I don't understand the draw or where the entertainment is. When I watch a show I want something that's going to have a plot, a flow; I want characters I can relate to (and yes write about but fan fiction is a topic for another blog)...not just watch this (which can be really, really hard if the act is less than talented) then vote for your favorite. I mean what if you liked more than one, how do you choose? Is it fair to any of the contestants to vote more than once? I'm sure there are tons of talented people who have gotten recognized from shows like American Idol and America's Got Talent but I would rather watch a talent show here and there. I mean basically those to shows are equivalent to Star Search that was on Saturday mornings when I was growing up.

On another note I went to see Eclipse this weekend. Excellent movie. I think it stayed closer to the books than any in the series so far. It had far more comedy in it than I expected to see which was nice because it balanced out the seriousness of the storyline. I liked that they incorporated not only the history of the Quileute tribe but also included that of Jasper and Rosalie. I loved how they handled Rosalie's back story; it was very poignant. They probably could have done more visually with Jasper's but it was good all the same. It stunk that they left out the tiny sliver of Alice's back story in Twilight. I mean it wasn't even as though they had to flash back to anything; it was a just a sentence or two in the book. I love when you get character development because it allows you to relate to or dislike a certain character more. Sometimes it even can cause you to see something from a different point of view other than your own. 

Ok time to get post this blog and unplug. I think I hear the sun calling my name again....

Random Fact: Mailing an entire building has been illegal in the U.S. since 1916 when a man mailed a 40,000-ton brick house across Utah to avoid high freight rates.