Life Update 2.0 (3.0?) LOL

Hello again. I need to get better about updating this. Life has been a little busy here. School has started again and it's both wonderful to see the kids move up to the next grade, it's also a reminder of just how fleeting time is. The kids have their commitments and activities that have been keeping us busy - to the point that sometimes we feel like chauffeurs and/or logistics techs. However, I know that before we know it we'll be planning something to celebrate M's graduation and J's retirement (which in all honesty - given how his job has been this year - can't come soon enough). Doesn't seem possible but it feels like it will be here if we hold a blink too long.

This summer was a good. Not quite as good as last summer (I believe the word the kids used was "epic" to describe last summer) but we still had fun. Last summer we were able to suprise them with a trip not only to Disney but also take them on our family's very first cruise. We had so much fun and busy but it was so relaxing. We were able to book another cruise this past April because we enjoyed it so much and we understand how cruises work so much better.   

I am still working per diem but it's been pretty steady lately (as in every day) but I really do enjoy it, even when the days are trying.  I like how it gives me the freedom to choose when or if I work but I also feel appreciated and included like a regular employee. I like that if J is on vacation, we can spend time together reconnecting while the kids are in school because I don't have to go in. My schedule is somewhat of my own making. 

I've slowly been falling back in love with reading and actually having the time to read has been wonderful. We have created a couple cozy reading areas that I will be sorry to say goodbye to when it gets too cold to sit outside anymore.  

Thanks to an amazing friend, I've also discovered I love dramatized audio books. Regular ones put me to sleep but I've been listening to the dramatized audio book of Fourth Wing (I've also read the book) and it's very engaging. 

Well I guess that's a basic update for now. Hopefully I can get back into updating this a bit more often but I think I said that last post too. 


Random Fact: Tug of War was an Olympic Game from 1900-1920

 

 

Just Leaving These Here.....

 

Think about it. Mull it over...If you know, you know...

Random Fact: Rubberbands last longer when refrigerated.

Strong is the new thin....

 I'm fat. 

I'm out of shape. 

I'm not trying to talk badly about myself or put myself down but this is a fact. I am overweight. I've been overweight for most of my life - I've definitely struggled with my weight my entire life - but I'm truly starting to see that I need to get back into better shape since having kids. 

Why is finding the time to workout so hard? Why does everything about working out seem so difficult? 

I also suffer from something called PCOS - Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. A lovely *sarcasm* hormonal condition the affect *insert drumroll here* weight. Yay - lucky me. Basically I could workout 7 days a week for 3 hours a day and I wouldn't get the results a non-PCOS person would. I would probably still lose weight but it wouldn't be the same as your average person - if all external factors were similar (meal plan for example). It sucks and it's hard not to get down on myself when J and I workout together and he drops 5lbs but I don't lose anything (or worse gain). 

I don't know what the purpose of this post is for. Maybe it's just me complaining/venting. Maybe it's to try and bring awareness to people who judge others by their appearance. 

I will say I am trying. I'm trying to workout between 3 & 4 days a week but it's hard. I'm trying to be better for myself. For my kids. For life. I don't want to be 'thin' I want to be strong & toned. I want to be able to shop for clothes without feeling horrible about myself and how I look. I want to be able to be healthy.

Random Fact: Kangaroos can not walk backwards.

Boundaries

I had this whole post written up in my head regarding boundaries and basic kindness. About how they were healthy and helped lay a foundation about your self worth and self respect similar to morals and ethics. 

However, after writing it all out and reading it through myself, it felt incredibly preachy and pompous so I deleted it. Now I'm just going to 'shoot from the hip' so I apologize if it's a bit rambly. 

 

A friend posted this the other day on her feed. I must have stared at it for a good five minutes and reread it multiple times. Isn't it a sad truth? Just because you have a person in your circle, friend or family, it doesn't mean that person is rooting for you or supporting you. It doesn't mean that they want the best from you. Some people are masters at just using you for information or what you can do for them. 

It's why I tell my girls that the quantity of friends that they have doesn't matter - it's the quality of friends. You want people in your life that are going to support you and root for you in your soaring moments and your struggling ones. You want the people that you can confide in and trust. It's also those friends who know and respect what your boundaries are. They don't want the people who are going to steamroll over them and bully them into doing things they aren't comfortable with. They don't want people who aren't willing to compromise on things (the "it's the my way or no way" kind of people).

Teaching our children to set boundaries is healthy. Teaching them that they deserve to be respected; that their worth isn't tied to what they can do for or give someone. That they should give respect where it's deserved (not just demanded) is so important in life. There's nothing wrong with standing your ground if you or your boundaries aren't being respected; it doesn't make you any kind of 'bad guy'. I've always said you don't have you like or even be friends with everyone you meet. Some people just have personality clashes or just won't get along, but you can treat everyone with dignity, kindness, and basic respect.

I guess that's my 2 cents for the day. Hope everyone is happy and healthy. Toodles.

Random Fact: A chef's tall hat, officially known as a toque, traditionally has 100 pleats. Those 100 pleats stand for the 100 ways to cook an egg.

 

 

Closing Life Chapters

 So the weather has been getting nicer here lately, depending on the day. Blue skies and sun are becoming more prevalent and the temps are (mostly LOL) rising.

As an adult I know this means I need to start thinking about rotating in warmer weather clothes and possibly replacing some that have worn out - as all clothes eventually do. As a parent, I know that this means often children have completely outgrown a full season's worth of wardrobe that needs to be replaced or at the very least checked over and rotated to the next child. 

This is where I started my mission for the week. I started with the youngest because she obviously has no younger sibling to rotate the clothes down to. Those clothes get washed and packed away, separated out into what I'm keeping for them down the timeline (which to be honest these days is few and far between), a few like new pieces get offered to friends who have younger girls, and the rest goes to the yard sale pile. 

I ended up having to go through most of the boxes I had already packed to make sure that sizes hadn't been mixed up. As I looked at the clothes, I started to feel really sad, nearly tearing up. There would be no more of our babies to wear these clothes. There would be no more of our 'babies'. C was the last in our line. I know, logically, that the right choice was made to be done after her. I know that mentally, another loss would have been too much and how much of a toll the anxiety I experienced with her pregnancy took on me. But my heart still misses having a little baby. Their smells and their snuggles. The first smile, the first coo...

I know it's a great thing our girls are growing up. I know we have amazing things to come and memories to be made. It's easier to get things done now that they're older and more self sufficient which means we can do bigger things or more involved things. 

But it's so hard to say goodbye. 

I know it's irrational to have this kind of emotion tied to clothing but my babies wore them. The babies that I wanted so badly for so long...and so many that I've lost. 

I have 22 boxes of clothing waiting for a decision to be made. I think my plan is to have yard sale to get rid of them but I look a the boxes and I see my 'babies' in the clothes in those boxes and I falter. I know I need to get rid of them. They are taking up space and not being used. I know there are others that can use them more than we currently are...

I've never had such a hard time closing a chapter in my life.

BUT....

I made it through all of those boxes, condensed and even purged some stuff that I felt wouldn't be things I would buy...etc for others which is good. I haven some things that I'm not sure I want to part with - though I know people who would probably love them. So those are set aside...for now. And C's room is spring-cleaned and better organized. M's room was also spring cleaned and better organized. We upgraded her walls a bit from kiddy-style decals to some more mature art for her age.

All in all it's been a good couple of days. 

Happy Easter everyone!

Random Fact: Scotland is home to many mythical creatures. While many have claimed to have seen the Loch Ness monster, Scotland's national animal is the unicorn.

Time Flies....

 Wow. I don't know what made me think of this blog, but I'm glad I did. It was a nice stroll down memory lane. :) My last post was in 2013. It's amazing how much can change in 7 years, yet other things remain...similar.

For starters, J and I have moved. We sold our starter home a couple of years ago. We've moved to a larger home and are in the processes of finishing an addition that we dreamed of when we bought the house. Other than the state that it's located in (which is honestly a whole other post in itself), we love it. 

M is now 7 years older, and a avid bookworm (as I had hoped for back in 2013). She's active in her sport of choice, having made the competition team. She's an amazing young woman, smart as can be, loving, caring and growing up too fast.

We have also added L and C to the family over the last 7 years. Both are amazing young ladies. I do joke that if C was the oldest, C would have been the only because that girl gives us a run for our money every day. Though I wouldn't change any of our girls for the world because we love them just the way they are. They're going to change the world someday. 

We've been asked if we're going to keep trying for a boy, which I would have loved but we also experienced a very high number of miscarriages before getting and staying pregnant with M. We had more miscarriages both before L and before C. After C, I decided that my heart couldn't handle any more losses and J supported any decision I made because as he told me "You are the one that has to shoulder the majority of the burden - whether good or bad - in this equation". I had bad anxiety with C, due to a late miscarriage before her and horrific violent dreams during the pregnancy. Our family was complete at 5.  I think this will also be a post topic for the future because I feel like can finally talk about it.

We also lost our bulldog babies but we know that they lived long, full and happy lives. We have also added another dog to our family 2 years ago. R is just a barrel of energy and significantly larger than a bulldog.

I'm hoping that this is the beginning of me blogging again. I've honestly missed it and now, since the kids are older and able to occupy themselves for periods of time, I'm looking forward to a little bit of time where my brain can focus on something other than being "mom". 

Until next time....(and hopefully not 7 years....LOL)


Random Fact: There is no US State that contains the letter Q.

Somewhere

 Somewhere inside of me is a story fighting its way onto paper. Or at least to a word file on my laptop. I have the epilogue (or what I think is the epilogue) partially written and partially still being tweaked in my head.

Anywho, the rest however just won't be making its way out tonight. Between J being on vacation for the last 2 and 1/2 weeks (not complaining - trust me, M and I absolutely loved having him home) and M teething like it's her job (I seriously think she's cutting her 4 canines in one shot), my routine for housework/cleaning/things I can't do while M's awake has taken a serious hit. So after pampering myself last night (ie - I did the bare minimums) tonight has been a catch up. I haven't sat down since she went to bed at 9 and it's now quarter after 11 but the house is looking much more than just orderly and the laundry room no longer looks like a bomb went off in it. There is so much still on my to do list though. One thing is that I want to post a couple of pictures from M's first trip to Disney, her first Christmas, her first birthday on here (and now that she's nearly 15 months old...I'm so far behind!) and show how beautiful my girl has become. Eh - maybe tomorrow.

So what did we do while J was home? Well....

1. We bought new living room furniture since the set we bought when we moved into the house has just about had it. I have to say it didn't hold up nearly as well as what I thought it would when we bought it. It makes me sad because I loved the set, angry because it wasn't necessarily inexpensive for us to buy it at the time and it looks far older than the 9 years that it is, but I'm also happy that it's going. It doesn't fit the layout of our home; we bought it because it was what we wanted but not what would work best with our home. The new couch and recliner will work much better in the space.

2. I read a couple of pretty good books though M has taken to being read to (and I am in heaven because of it - I want her to be a reader like me) so I have read far more to her than for myself. What did I read? Well...



Altered by Jennifer Rush


Hot covers huh? Yeah - they're even more impressive side by side. LOL. I really liked Altered and an eagerly awaiting it's sequel in Jan of 2014. Yup. Next. Year. I do suggest that you check out Altered though, the story line is different from other books that are currently available for YA/NA readers.

I also read Undone, the novella to the Unraveling series. Definitely makes me want Unraveling's sequel, Unbreakable much sooner than it's April release. Undone answered some questions, created a bunch more and left it with a cliff hanger!! Ugh - I hate it when books do that but on the plus side the sequel is only a month-ish away - which is better than 6 months.

Liz Norris Website


Other than that we just spent time as a family. Went to an aquarium and saw some sea lions, some penguins, and some harbor seals. M didn't really care for the fish. Hung out with some friends. It was nice to just have some downtime with my little family.

Random Fact: If you run in the rain, you will get about 50% wetter than if you stood still.

No Limitations

If there was absolutely nothing to hold you back (time, money, circumstances, etc.), what would you do with your life?

I had this question posed to me in the comments section of one of my other posts and it really got me thinking. What would I do?

I would write.

I have all of these stories bouncing around in my head but they are all incomplete. Unfortunately right now I just don't have the time. I try - don't get me wrong - writing and being published is a dream of mine but unfortunately right now other things are taking precedence.

I would have a personal trainer/nutritionist.

I need to get into better shape and eat better. I've been doing ok on my own but it would be nice to have someone there to kick my butt when I'm not feeling particularly motivated - plus if I was paying someone to keep me motivated - well for me not wasting $ is always a motivator.

I would give back more.

I would love to be able to teach M about donating to worthy causes more than what we already do. J and I make every effort to give back to to the community that we live in, and donate what we can to those in need but there are times, the Holidays for example, when I'd like to do more. I want my daughter (and any future children) to know that she's fortunate for the loving family and the opportunities/amenities she has, even if we aren't the wealthiest by monetary value.

I would find my dream house.

I'm hoping this one doesn't seem shallow because I'm grateful that J and I are able to afford our own home and really there's nothing wrong with it. I'm just not fan of how the location has changed over the years of us being here. I'd rather be in the country than in the village which is strictly my personal preference. I don't need a mansion, or some exorbitant country estate, I just want something where my neighbors aren't so close.

I would adopt.

I know how hard J and I struggled to have M. Adoption is one of the topics that came up several times along the way. Would we consider it? How would it make us feel? Could we love an adopted child as much as we would a child we had created? Would family love the child as a blood relative? Would it make me feel like a failure because I hadn't given birth to the child? We both thought long and hard on those and many other questions but the answer was resoundingly yes - adoption was something we could (and would want to) do. We may still consider this as a way of adding to our family down the road.

I'm sure there are more things that I would do but those were the ones that .came to mind immediately. What about you?

Random Fact: The act of snapping one's fingers is called a "fillip."

Coffee with your choice of guest

There are millions of people in this world that would be a great choice to have a cup of coffee with. Brilliant minds that could give insights on whatever you'd want to know, athletes that you admire, musicians, world leaders, celebrities..etc. The list goes on and on but I think the person that I'd want to share this time with, this once in a lifetime opportunity would be my dad. Just to hear his laugh one more time since I don't remember it very clearly. I remember how he used tell me to grow my hair out, despite it being shoulder length, and leave it curly because "men like long, curly hair".

I probably wouldn't even give him his coffee until he had met his granddaughter, who is growing up without being able to experience the full force of his love and generosity, who will only be able to know him through the stories that she hears from us. It's a funny thing though, we have a picture of my mom and dad hanging in the dining area of our kitchen and M will laugh and point (and kiss if we bring the picture down) specifically at my dad every time we walk by it. It's this big, knowing grin; her face literally lights up. She's been doing this since she was about 6-8 months old without us ever specifically showing her the picture. Makes you wonder....

I'd want to know how he thinks I'm doing as a mom. I'd just want him to talk, about anything really, just to hear his voice again. It's funny the things you remember once someone leaves your life forever. Things like he took his coffee black. No frills, no fruity creamers; just a mug of black coffee with the occasional slice of toast. However, he would make 2 pieces of toast because the dog needed breakfast too. The way that when he was concentrating on something he'd stick his tongue out just a fraction - M does the same thing.

I'd want him to know how angry I was at him when he passed away. He should have done more to stay with us, that he knew what he had to do to ease the burden on his heart/body but chose not to. I'd want him to know I'm not anymore and that I have made peace with it, even if it is still too hard for me to visit his grave. I want to know if he's happy where he's at and if he watches over us, especially M. I'd want to know if Montana and Hunter (my parents dogs) are with him too. I'd wonder what he'd make of mom having a cat because she's always claimed she "wasn't a cat" person.

I'd want him to know just how much I miss him and if he misses me (and all of us - Mom, my brothers, nieces...etc) too.

I'd want him to know I love him.

Random Fact: Google was originally called Backrub.

No Worries, No Pressure

I've been sitting here for over an hour trying to decide what to write for my 30 day challenge/goal and have come up with bupkus. Posting to my blog isn't a requirement for the goal but I thought since it was only the 2nd day it would be easier.

Yeah, not so much.

I know what will happen; same thing as always. I'll struggle to write something and then once M is up from her nap the whip of inspiration will hit me. I will then be try to make notes regarding (or even worse try to commit everything to memory) whatever witty prose I come up with until after bedtime at which time said witty prose will sound either completely asinine or will have been completely forgotten and then the page will continue to sit blank.

I have often thought that my muse is evil and devilish because of the times that she chooses to inspire me to write but now I wonder if it's just me. I try too hard to force it out so I get frustrated and when I'm not thinking of it (or my mind is occupied by other tasks) is when the inspiration is able to come flooding out. So maybe, for now, I'm just going to go read - and keep a notebook close by.

Random fact: If two full moons occur in a month, the second full moon is called a blue moon.

A New Goal

Hel-lo 2013.

I'm about 40 days behind in saying this but well....I needed January to recoup. December flew by in a whirlwind and took a chuck of January with it. 

I am the mother of a 1 year old. What a difference a year makes. When I think back to what was going on last year (2012 v 2013) at this time I am simply amazed. She was this teeny little sleepy baby who barely fit into newborn sized clothing. And now - now she is just this little fireball who has a personality that makes me laugh everyday, who is into exploring and climbing and playing. There have been so many changes in a year and I know that they are just going to keep happening.

Everyday I see something new that she's learned. The newest thing is she loves to be read to. She'll go get a book from her little stack and bring it over. She'll attempt to climb into your lap and listen to you read - though you sometimes have to speed read because she's turning the page before you finish the sentence. Her favorites so far are her Minnie's book of colors and Donald's book of counting. She also likes her Princess Cinderella book.

In other 'news' I guess, I've started to set a couple of short and long term goals for myself. The first is I'm going to start getting more decent nights sleep. I'm obviously blowing this one out of the water at the moment because it's just after midnight as I write this but...the fire needs to be going more before I can hit the hay and inspiration hit to write this post.

The second is that for the next 30 days I am going to write something - anything. It doesn't have to be anything special; what I write could be ideas that are bouncing through my head, or a review of a book that I've read, or even a blog post but I have to write something. I thought about making it so that I have to post what I've written here but it's hard to ensure 
a copyright on here so I've nixed that idea for now. 

The reason behind this goal is that I've started so many different projects (writing wise) and I think all but a handful are sitting in their designated folders unfinished. I'd like to have finished one of them this year. There is another part to this goal that I am still waffling on and that would be that I have to share what I've written with at least 2 people. I'm not very good at sharing my work. I have a handful of people who have knowingly read something I've written (I do not count fanfiction.net because everything is done under pseudonyms/pen names). It's not that I dislike sharing what I've written but more that the audience that I tend to target (ya/new adult/fantasy/sci-fi..etc) isn't typically what the majority of the people I share with read.

Other goals are the standard 'resolution' set - loose weight (which I am working on), be better organized (always trying)...etc. This year is going to be a good year - I can feel it. 

Random Fact: Cows "moo" in different accents according to where the live. Just like we talk!

Winging it.

Some days that's all I feel like I do all day long.

I wish J's family accepted me as one of their own or even as a family member. Heck I'd even take that they stopped thinking about me as a temporary person in J's life.

I wish that the respect that is expected from me was with the understanding that I deserved to be respected as well.

There are just some days I think they'd be happy if I fell off the face of the Earth or at a bare minimum out of their (and conversely J's) lives.

I try really hard to laugh it off and brush it off as typical joined family crap but I have feelings and it hurts! Backhanded comments and total disregard for me, not only as a person but also as the wife of your son/brother and as the mother of your granddaughter/niece, hurts! It hurts as much as driving a knife through my heart. I know you don't think I'm good enough and hell - I'll be honest - there are times that I don't think I'm good enough either not for everything that he does so that I can stay home with M and she doesn't have to go to daycare. However, I LOVE HIM. I have loved him for as long as I can remember and I will love him from beyond.

I'm frustrated because I don't know how to solve the problem. I'm frustrated because I don't know how the problem started. I'm not asking you to love me, but try to like me. Attempt to get to know me as a person, not just J's wife, M's mom. Maybe try to be a friend...or just try.

Random Fact: A lemon contains more sugar than a strawberry.

Opinions....

So the other day J and I were asked if we'd seen so-and-so's facebook post and how the questioner couldn't believe what so-and-so posted; this got me to thinking...

Facebook is a social networking site but what exactly is the definition of 'social networking'? Well, according to my friend Google it is defined as:

          The use of a dedicated Web site to communicate informally with other members of the site, by posting messages, photographs, etc.

This leads to my next question - should you have to censor what you post if you know that something you want to post would offend one of your 'friends'? And then that therefore leads into the question should you censor yourself in other places, such as websites, and blogs, too?

My thought is no. I know that I don't censor myself here on my blog, though I do have 'code' (albeit not particularly creative ones...LOL) names for people in my life if I discuss them on here. J is my husband, M is my daughter...etc. I know when I post updates on the social networking site that I belong to I don't willingly go and blast people who have upset me (though there have been times that I've wanted to) but I do discuss things that are going on in my/our life now and again. I usually don't stop to think how someone is going to react when I post things because it's what I'm thinking/feeling at the moment.

If people are your 'friends' then they accept you the way you are, the good with the maybe not so good. Most of the time the things that are posted are mundane and trivial but occasionally people do post rants. Sometimes they even post things in frustration or anger but chances are they're just that - frustration and anger. But what happens when someone posts something controversial? Are they looking to purposely stir the pot or are they looking for a good and healthy debate, simply stating how they feel or believe? Does the thought on posting things like that change?

I'm all for healthy debates. One where there isn't any judgement, name calling, putting down of differing opinions but a simple, open dialogue exchange between people and their views. One where there isn't any name calling or putting down of others beliefs. The ideal outcome of this situation is everyone takes something away from the table, whether or not they changed how they see the topic or not. Unfortunately this doesn't happen very often because more often than not the outcome is everyone is defensive and put out because they think their opinion of the topic is the right one. The refusal to listen to someone else's side is causing the world to go deaf.

I believe that you shouldn't take anything posted on a social networking site to heart unless it's specifically directed at you (ie - your name is somewhere in the post). If someone posts something that you find offensive or that you don't agree with - let it go. It wasn't posted to hurt you or to drag your beliefs/morals through the mud. That person doesn't need to be told how their post was wrong or offensive to you because, again, unless your name is somewhere specifically in the post it - it more than likely wasn't about you.

Now I do think that personally attacking/cyber bullying someone through a social networking site is wrong. Just. Plain. Wrong. No one deserves to be attacked/bullied/harassed...etc. The world can be/is cruel enough without that being added to the mix. Maturity is a major factoring in having a social networking account in my opinion and those without it shouldn't be allowed to have one. If you really have a problem with someone deal with it face to face, not from behind a computer screen.

Random Fact: Until coffee gained popularity, beer was the beverage of choice for breakfast in most urban areas of the United States.

And so it starts...

Christmas shopping.

I know I know - it's over two months away. No one wants to think about it yet. Well I do!

Yup that's right I do and I've started. I'm pretty darn proud of it too. Granted I don't have much but I'm started and for me to be started before Thanksgiving is a pretty big feat. My goal for this year is to be done or pretty close to it before we leave on December 10th. I am not going to be running around like a crazed person this year trying to get everything we need in a matter of a week.

It should be easier this year because for starters I'm not 7 and 1/2 -8 months pregnant and I actually have ideas for everyone! Well almost everyone.

I'm so excited about Christmas this year. It's going to be so different and so much fun. We're trying really hard not to overdo it with M because she won't understand but it's hard. I don't want her to think that her birthday is in competition with Christmas because of it's location or that she won't get as special of a gift for Christmas or her birthday because of when she was born. How did my parents do it?

I think we've managed to find invitations that we like for her birthday now just to finish that list to see how many people we need invitations for...LOL...which means I should probably wrap up this post and go do that...or something else just as useful...like dream of Disney....ha ha ha ha....

Random Fact: A duel between three people is called a "truel."

1st Birthday Party

Wow. 

I had no idea that a kid's birthday party would have so many logistics. I really didn't. My mom made it seem so easy. Ha. I guarantee, even though she's helping when I ask her to, she's laughing while I try to navigate the ins and outs of birthday party planning. 

1st Dilemma:
     When to have it. Given that the month of December is, lets be nice and say a little hectic -- especially this year, we were floundering on trying to do her birthday earlier in the month or push it back until January. 

Solution:
    We decided that with everything going on we are pushing her party back until the first part of January. I hate not being able to have it on her birthday but it just wasn't in the cards this year. I know she won't really remember it anyway but somehow I feel like I have robbed her in a way of having it properly celebrated. :(

2nd Dilemma:
     1 party for everyone or 2 separate parties for each side of the family (1 party for my side, 1 party for his side). Upside 1 party - it's over and done with in a day. Boom, bang, thank you ma'am - turn the lights off we're going home. Downside to 1 party - there are a lot of people and we'd probably have to rent something somewhere to hold everyone (downside to winter birthdays in general in the north - the cold weather/snow kinda takes away the ability to have shindigs outside). Upside to 2 parties -- M gets to spend more one on one time with everyone and there would be the possibility of having it at a house of either us or another relative. 

Solution: 
    1 party. Schedule constraints with J make this the really only viable option unless we really spread the parties apart plus the ability to rent a building (thanks mom!) at little to no cost that will hold everyone answers that one with no looking back.

3rd Dilemma:
     Invitations. How hard can it be to have a simple invitation for the 1 year old. I don't want something cartoon-y with Elmo or Princesses on it (maybe next year we'll do a theme) or something that looks like it was designed for a wedding. I just want a simple invite announcing that you're invited to my kid's 1st birthday party - here's the date, place, and time. And yes, I want this without having to raid her college fund to pay for it. I spent most of her afternoon nap today perusing the internet looking for ideas. I would absolutely love to hand-make her invites (because then I'd assure myself I'd get what I want) but I just don't think I have the time to get however many I need done.

Solution:
    Nothing so far....

4th Dilemma:
     Guest list. Ugh. Where do you draw the line? Should you send invites to people you know won't/can't come to be polite or if nothing else to keep the family peace? Can you invite one cousin but not another? Do you invite the same basic people to the 1st birthday as you do to the shower? What about the people you invited to the shower who didn't show? If you invite to a certain family length on one side do you have to keep it the same on the other? Again, ugh.

Solution:
    Nothing so far. List is started and that's about it.

5th Dilemma:
     Food. Do you serve a meal? Meal-lite? Hor d'oeuvres? Snacks? Pizza and wings? Will people only come for the free food? What if they don't RSVP and we don't have enough? I know I'm making her cake/cupcakes (she's going to get her own 'smash' cake and there will be cupcakes for everyone to enjoy). I don't want people to think we're stingy or cheap if we do like snack trays (cheese, cracker, pepperoni, a fruit tray, a veggie tray...)...hmm..maybe I'll look into an assorted sub tray from Subway...

Solution:
    Thinking. Making lists. Thinking. Thanking myself for starting now. Adding Subway to the list.

I'm sure there are more dilemmas out there that I haven't thought of but I'm tired and it's off to bed with me. And I've thought of another one - what about favor bags? Do people still do them anymore? Do you have to do them with a 1st birthday? And what about decorations? Is it ok not to do a theme party? 

Seriously - I'm going to bed or I'll try and have this whole party planned out and drive myself insane.

Random Fact: There are 18 different animal cracker shapes.

45 Minute Naps

Are incredibly pointless...And worthless...And should be banished forever.

M gets absolutely no rest or refreshment from them. In fact she usually wakes up irritable and cranky - and usually more so than when she was originally put down for a nap - but unable to go back to sleep for whatever reason. I swear if she could talk it would the equivalent of "Why am I awake? I don't wanna be awake!" Which makes her overtired and just down right miserable and even though a miserable M is still unbelievably adorable I prefer her happy and well rested. And if I hear one person comment about "well just let her play and put her back down in an hour or so" - I've tried it. It either doesn't work because she either gets even more irritated because she doesn't want to go to sleep (because of course you can't rationalize with a 9 month old that she'll feel better with a little snooze) or she goes to sleep and I end up having to wake her up so that she'll go to sleep at bedtime which starts the whole "I'm angry because I'm awake and still tired" cycle all over again.

Not so well rested

Miserable means clingy. But we couldn't be the cuddly kind of clingy where we sit on the couch and watch Mickey Mouse until she slowly drifts off to sleep. Nope, not today. This time we wanted to sit on the floor and play while mommy held her. Which was fine except that I couldn't take my hands off from her in any way shape or form or an overtired meltdown would begin to ensue. Have you ever tired to keep your hands on a 9 month old who wants to constantly be on the move playing with whichever today happens to catch her interest at the moment? It's not as easy as it sounds. Heck it doesn't even sound easy!

Happy and well rested (and full tummy!)

Overtired also means that a bath will not calm and relax her the way it normally does. No, it just makes her realize how tired she truly is, which in turn riles her up because all she wants to do is go to sleep, and makes her even more uncooperative when trying to get her pajamas on her. Have you ever tried putting pajamas on a wiggling octopus? Because I swear my child sprouted 6 extra limbs when I tried to dress her tonight. She was not having it. If it wasn't getting so cool out at night now, I probably would have said screw it and put her in a onesie to sleep instead of her big girl 2-piece jammies. It was just not a good night for M.

Luckily she drifted off fairly quickly once she'd had  a bottle and some daddy cuddles. A few subconscious chatters once she'd been put down and that's all that was wrote. Now just to hope that she isn't so overtired it causes her to sleep poorly or wake up at the butt crack of dawn...

So in short, go away forever and stop visiting my child - let her sleep, let her get a refreshing nap. She needs her sleep. I will not be polite and say please either because you are not welcome in my home or anywhere near my child.

Random Fact: The longest continuous sidewalk in the world is along Bay Shore Boulevard in Tampa, Florida.

Questions About Moi

So I sort of stole this post idea from a friend after reading it on her blog. I thought "Self," (yes?) "So much has changed in the last 9 months that maybe you should update people on what's in your head." (Great idea.)

1. What was your favorite food when you were a child?
   Probably my Mom's pizza or Dad's scalloped potatoes
2. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?
   Secrets by OneRepublic
3. What is one of your favorite quotes?
   May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.
4. What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?
   Indoors - I love to watch movies and cuddle on the couch with J
   Outdoors - probably bike ride or take M to the park.
5. What chore do you absolutely hate doing?
   Dusting. Aggravates my sinuses/allergies
6. What is your favorite form of exercise?
   Dancing.
7. What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?
   Well this is an open ended question...Probably my all time favorite is the week of Christmas.
8. What’s your least favorite mode of transportation?
   Public
9. What is your favorite body part?
   Um...honestly? My c-section scar. I know most people think that scars are ugly and seek ways to get rid of them but I think mine is beautiful. My daughter came through that scar and because of it I get to know and watch this fantastic little person grow.
10. What sound do you love?
    M's laugh...
11. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
    Something more exotic with a nickname. Like Caitlin (Cait) or Aurora (Rory)...
12. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do?
    Once I realized I won the money? Faint probably. Once I had the money? Start a college fund for my daughter. 
13. You have 60 minutes of free time...What do you do?
    Hmm...switch around laundry, load/unload the dishwasher/hand wash dishes/bottles, check to see if M's meals for the day are ready or need to be thawed, check to see if formula needs to be made, dust mop the living room and kitchen floors, shower or any sort of combination above...
14. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up?
    I don't remember. I know I teared up at the Bones and CSI:NY's season finales...but I can't remember a book or movie that I've seen recently that have caused moistening of the eyes...
15. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done/experienced?
16. What was the last experience that made you a stronger person?
    Okay - these 2 questions go sort of hand in hand. The hardest thing I've done/experienced is infertility with miscarriages. Hard is not an appropriate term for what it was. It was mind boggling and frustrating and I hated every single moment of it. I even considered seriously giving up. I hated not having control of what was going on and the fact that I couldn't fix the problem sucked. I (along with J because this affected him too) walked away stronger not only as an individual, but as a stronger couple with a stronger marriage. If I can face that and not crumble, I can face anything. I also think the experience has made me a better parent. I look at M and she's just - wonderful. I love her giggle and her smile. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone - the struggle, the longing, the jealousy - but I do think that it's helped shape the parent I know I can be - the parent I want to be.
17. When was the last time you had an amazing meal?
    Tonight!! I am so blessed with an amazing cook for a husband.
18. If you could travel any where in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?
    Hawaii. Hands down. 1st class. Disney Aulani hotel. :)
19. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
    Soft serve - chocolate/vanilla twist. Hard - Probably cookie dough (depending on the maker) or waffle cone.
20. What was the last movie you watched?
    The Hunger Games - not bad, but not the greatest movie I've ever seen either.

 Random Fact: The University of Minnesota is older than the state of Minnesota.

It's a pair of boobs!

Stop the presses.

Halt the universe.

How about build a bridge and get over it?

So the Duchess of Cambridge sunbathed topless. Who. Cares? Seriously? Sunbathing topless in Europe is as common as changing your underwear anywhere should be. The photographer who climbed onto the roof of a neighboring building to get the pictures of this private moment should 1) be ashamed of him/herself and 2) prosecuted. Why are magazines making such a big deal of this? Sure she's a 'Princess' but she's human and just because she has a royal title doesn't mean she should stop doing the things that she likes to do. Heck, Europe has topless beaches! Another pair of boobs, regardless of who they belong to, shouldn't be newsworthy!!


Ugh. Stories like this just rub me the wrong way. I feel horrible for her, especially with the fact that she was at a private home with the implication of privacy and people are blaming her. What about the perv that climbed onto another building, probably used a freaking long lens to invade her private moment? Did the country learn nothing from the death of Princess Diana? When are they going to start putting rules/laws for the paparazzi and enforce the consequences if they break the them? Maybe if a few of these less scrupulous photographers had to face some fines or jail time they might think twice about taking private photos.

Anyway, that's my two cents on the situation. I don't want to turn this into a soapbox rant but it's one of those things where I needed to say something. 


Random Fact: Even though Utah is landlocked, it is illegal to hunt whales.

And three months later...

My poor blog. I promise I haven't forgotten about you. Things have just been busy. July just jumped past us and August flew by in a sunny, warm blur but before I knew it September was here.

M is growing like a weed and learning things twice as fast. She says momma or mom quite clearly now though if you ask her about dada (or dad) she just smiles and wrinkles her nose. She mastered crawling at the end of August after army crawling for about a month. That lasted all of 2 days before she realized she could crawl to something (couch, chair, table) and pull herself up on. She's starting to cruise along the furniture and her coordination gets better every single day. 

 She has (almost) 4 teeth now. Her first was on the bottom right incisor (tooth P), and then the incisor to the left (tooth O), and we checked yesterday and her top two incisors (E and F) are breaking through. She doesn't like to show them off though but they are sharp! 

This picture to the left is a little in home photo shoot we did for her aunt (who also gave us the outfit she's wearing - coincidence? I think not...LOL). She's getting to be such a little camera ham - I wonder if that's because I'm always taking pictures of her. I don't want to miss a minute and she's too cute to not have pictures taken.

The picture to the right is a 4 generation picture that was taken at our most recent family reunion. It's (from left to right) my grandma (M's great-grandma), my mom, M, and me. When I was about M's age, there was a similar (my great grandma, grandma, mom, me) picture taken. It's nice to have this sort of tradition. Maybe when M is older (30 would be a good number - LOL) we'll do one with her child. I think I'm going to get a copy of that picture made and put in frames for Christmas gifts. 

My little turkey posing for another picture but her expression is just too priceless. She wrinkles her little nose and sometimes, when she laughs she snorts. It's hilarious. I can't believe how time has flown.I keep asking myself where the little baby I gave birth to went and when she became My little Miss Independent. Her little personality is coming out in spades and she makes me laugh every single day. J will never fully grasp the gift he has given me by being the sole breadwinner in the house. I will never ever be able to say thank you enough nor will I be able to find a gift appropriate enough. I couldn't image having to leave her with someone and possibly miss a minute of her growing up. 

She makes me rethink everything I thought I knew and understood, she makes me reconsider my stance on everything I thought I stood firm on. Like I used to loathe pink - and I mean loathe. I couldn't stand the sight of it and forget about catching me wearing it. If I loved the top and the only color choice was pink - forget it - it was staying where it was. Granted this is probably because up until I was about 12 everything was pink. My walls, my carpet, my bedding...I believe at some point I even asked my mom if I could have pink hair. (ps. Thank you mom for saying no) While it'll never be my favorite color, I'm now learning to appreciate it's beauty. I like the way M looks while wearing it and the shirt she's wearing on the left is actually a favorite.

This is our newest "mom" face. I swear this kid cracks me up with the expressions that she gives and she pulls them out of nowhere. It's almost as if she realizes that I'm having a mom moment of doubt like am I feeding her enough? Am I feeding her too much? How could someone have let me have a kid? Sometimes I wonder if I really have a grip on this whole parenting thing or if I'm just off my rocker and winging it the whole time. I want her to grow up well. I want her to make a positive impact on those around her. Then this look comes out and it's like - you're doing fine. Why are second guessing yourself? Good? Ok. Now go get me some puffs.
 

 Those eyes! Genes are a wonderful thing aren't they? It's amazing how two dark haired (J has black hair and I have auburn), dark eyed (J's are brown and my alternate between a green and hazel) can have a blonde haired (trust me it's there) blue eyed baby girl.

Last picture (and nearing the end of the post I think) is my newest favorite picture of all.

Time is just flying way too fast. She's going to be sprinting before winter (possibly before Fall if she has her way.) and my baby won't be a baby much longer. While I'm saddened by this, I'm also excited. I can't wait to see what the future brings and what she's going to do with her new found 'freedom'. 

Random Fact: There is a city named Unalaska in Alaska.

Lesson Learned Today

First off I want a food processor. I love my Baby Brezza and I love how much easier it has made things for me to make M's food but I just don't think that the Brezza is up to handling the load I've been throwing at it. It's started making weird noises like the motor is being stressed which means I need to do smaller batches and spend more time in the kitchen. Granted, I only make food once every 2 weeks now but when she gets bigger I'll need to do it either more often OR keep making smaller batches and spending more time in the kitchen...Thoughts...thoughts...thoughts...

Secondly, a medium sized butternut squash roasts very nicely but makes a TON of pureed squash. Though my using the liquid it was roasted in thinned it out nicely. J tasted it and said it was pretty good which makes me think that M will like it. So tonight I've made squash for her and I'm making her first puree combination of apple/squash though she won't get it for probably about 2 weeks - it'll get frozen until then.

I had to break down and buy store green beans because mine just weren't cutting it. :( Not real happy about it but it was either that or she didn't get them at all. I decided that the latter of those options was the worse of the two evils seeing as how J and I want her to have a more diverse pallet than what we do.

We also bought her a Fresh Food Feeder By Munchkin the other day to help with her teething. She seems to like it and doesn't seem to have any issues holding it. I think she likes it better than the other teethers we have (the kind that freeze) because her hands don't get cold. So far we've tried ice in it and, while it was definitely a must have a bib moment, it did seem to help her gums for a bit.

Here's a couple pictures of the gorgeous Miss M. 

Random Fact: New York Harbor School is the only high school on a island in New York State that is 172 acres big.