Day 6 - Something you hope you never have to do.
There are alot of "somethings" that I hope I never have to do. It's hard to just pick one to blog about; some are incredible personal, such as hoping to never have to live without J because I don't think I could handle it, and others are little less deep such as hoping to never needing to ask for help, which .
Wow - hard topic. I hope I never have to live without having a family of my own. I hope I never have to make the decision my parents did regarding quality of life, even if I know someone's wishes. I hope I never have to fight my family and I certainly don't want to lose anymore than I already have.
Random Fact: A sysygy occurs when all the planets in our Solar System line up.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Day 5 - 30 Days of Truth
Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life.
Yesterday I struggled with my answer to the question and today I feel like I have too many answers but atleast today's blog won't be an all day project (literally - yesterday I started the blog at around 10 in the morning and I finally published it around 11:58pm).
There are many things that I hope to do in my life. The first and most important to me is that I want to be a mom. I want to have a family of my own and I will stop at nothing to get there. No matter what it takes, no matter the amount of pain, no matter the endless amounts of questions without answers -- J and I will be parents some day. I want to be there to kiss my child's bump, or to hug them when they've had a bad day. I want to be the parent who helps out in their classroom and who is active in their school. I want to be able to nuture and raise the next President of the US or the doctor who cures cancer. Maybe our child will be the next teacher of the year...etc who knows! I just know that I want to be a mom! I want to be able to share those endless amounts of cute photos. The first smile. The first step. The first day of school, first date, graduation...etc. I will share them of my family. It will happen for J and I.
The second is I want to live a full life. I don't want to have any regrets that I could have done something about. If I want to go to California, then I will go someday instead of looking back and saying I should have gone when I had the chance. I love to travel, visit new places and see new things. I want to pass that on to my kid(s). I would very much like to go to Hawaii, and I would love to visit all of the Disney Parks. Going to Australia would just rock (though I'm sure the flight wouldn't) and I would love to go see London. I also want to go to see a Broadway play and visit the US's largest aquarium, in Georgia, and zoo, which by exhibit count is the San Diego Zoo in California (the largest by acreage is in Texas, and the largest non-profit is in Pheonix, AZ). I want to be able to say that I've lived.
As for something in the near future, well I've been thinking about getting another tattoo. Just thinking...Haven't even really looked at designs or thoughts about what I want yet - but I'm just - I just feel the urge to do something to mark the change that I feel is happening around me. I'm not even sure what I would get or where I would put it. I mean it took me 26/27 years to get the first tattoo and I made sure that the tattoo would mean something when I got it - it wasn't just a random "Hey let's go!" sort of thing...I really did think long and hard about what and where I was getting it. So we'll see - maybe it's just a phase and I'll forget about it for another 15 years, or I'll just keep thinking about it until I actually do decide what I want, and where I want it.
What about you? What is something that you want to do?
Random Fact: Turtles can breath through their butts.
Yesterday I struggled with my answer to the question and today I feel like I have too many answers but atleast today's blog won't be an all day project (literally - yesterday I started the blog at around 10 in the morning and I finally published it around 11:58pm).
There are many things that I hope to do in my life. The first and most important to me is that I want to be a mom. I want to have a family of my own and I will stop at nothing to get there. No matter what it takes, no matter the amount of pain, no matter the endless amounts of questions without answers -- J and I will be parents some day. I want to be there to kiss my child's bump, or to hug them when they've had a bad day. I want to be the parent who helps out in their classroom and who is active in their school. I want to be able to nuture and raise the next President of the US or the doctor who cures cancer. Maybe our child will be the next teacher of the year...etc who knows! I just know that I want to be a mom! I want to be able to share those endless amounts of cute photos. The first smile. The first step. The first day of school, first date, graduation...etc. I will share them of my family. It will happen for J and I.
The second is I want to live a full life. I don't want to have any regrets that I could have done something about. If I want to go to California, then I will go someday instead of looking back and saying I should have gone when I had the chance. I love to travel, visit new places and see new things. I want to pass that on to my kid(s). I would very much like to go to Hawaii, and I would love to visit all of the Disney Parks. Going to Australia would just rock (though I'm sure the flight wouldn't) and I would love to go see London. I also want to go to see a Broadway play and visit the US's largest aquarium, in Georgia, and zoo, which by exhibit count is the San Diego Zoo in California (the largest by acreage is in Texas, and the largest non-profit is in Pheonix, AZ). I want to be able to say that I've lived.
As for something in the near future, well I've been thinking about getting another tattoo. Just thinking...Haven't even really looked at designs or thoughts about what I want yet - but I'm just - I just feel the urge to do something to mark the change that I feel is happening around me. I'm not even sure what I would get or where I would put it. I mean it took me 26/27 years to get the first tattoo and I made sure that the tattoo would mean something when I got it - it wasn't just a random "Hey let's go!" sort of thing...I really did think long and hard about what and where I was getting it. So we'll see - maybe it's just a phase and I'll forget about it for another 15 years, or I'll just keep thinking about it until I actually do decide what I want, and where I want it.
What about you? What is something that you want to do?
Random Fact: Turtles can breath through their butts.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Day 4 - 30 days of truth challenge
Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone else for.
Considering everything that's happened in the last week or so this isn't an easy question to answer. I'm not sure if I have a specific answer to this question. I mean do I say I forgive the primary school bully who picked on me in 4th grade? Or how about the people in high school who never quite had time to include me? There are lots of people who did things that hurt me that I'd like to say I forgive them for. So I guess my answer to this truth question is that I forgive all those who have hurt me in the past - whether it was intentional or not.
If there's anything that I've learned so far in life - it's to try not to hold grudges. Note the key word in that sentence is try. I completely understand that there are somethings in life that are harder to forgive than others. I've experienced those things. Being pushed into a situation where you're backed into a corner and you have to pick the lesser evil of the two choices before you isn't fun but you do what you have to do. I believe that letting go of the hurt is harder for a woman than it is for a man. Men can be best friends, get into a fight where they beat the crap out of each other, then 20 minutes later be best friends again. Women on the other hand, remember the exact who, what, where, when, why, and how - which tends to put a damper on things for more than just 20 minutes.
Random Fact: The University of Florida has an emergency plan in case of a sudden zombie attack.
Considering everything that's happened in the last week or so this isn't an easy question to answer. I'm not sure if I have a specific answer to this question. I mean do I say I forgive the primary school bully who picked on me in 4th grade? Or how about the people in high school who never quite had time to include me? There are lots of people who did things that hurt me that I'd like to say I forgive them for. So I guess my answer to this truth question is that I forgive all those who have hurt me in the past - whether it was intentional or not.
If there's anything that I've learned so far in life - it's to try not to hold grudges. Note the key word in that sentence is try. I completely understand that there are somethings in life that are harder to forgive than others. I've experienced those things. Being pushed into a situation where you're backed into a corner and you have to pick the lesser evil of the two choices before you isn't fun but you do what you have to do. I believe that letting go of the hurt is harder for a woman than it is for a man. Men can be best friends, get into a fight where they beat the crap out of each other, then 20 minutes later be best friends again. Women on the other hand, remember the exact who, what, where, when, why, and how - which tends to put a damper on things for more than just 20 minutes.
Random Fact: The University of Florida has an emergency plan in case of a sudden zombie attack.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Day 3 of 30 Day Truth Challenge
I missed yesterday - it was a whirlwind. Whoops. So I will just continue from today and it will be 31 days....
Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.
And the hits just keep on coming - does this thing get any easier on the questions? LOL.
Something that I have to forgive myself for is probably a toss up between two things. The first is my tendency to take things very personally, even if I had nothing to do with what happened, and find a way to make things my fault somehow. I know that in my heart not everything is my fault and I cannot control the actions of others and how they use knowledge or information they possess. I always try to find the good in everyone that I meet and I have to understand that not everyone does that. I also assume (yes I know the limerick) that everyone I meet is going to do the right thing and not everyone does.
The other thing that I have to forgive myself for is how long it's taking us to have a family. We're, J and I, struggling with it - everyday. I have to realize that it's not all my fault that it's taking this long and that's extremely hard to do, especially when you're a woman. There are so many complex emotions that go along with it that it's no where near funny and guilt is a big one. I also have to forgive myself when I have a bad day handling it and not get even more down on myself about it. It will happen. I hope. I have to forgive myself when I'm not always strong. Why is it that everyone else seems to get it so easy? I mean there are people that I think they get sneezed on (sometimes by a random guy...but that's another topic) and they're pregnant. To steal a line from one of my very best friends, I have to believe that we're meant to be the parents of a very specific combination of egg and sperm. It's hard to remember sometimes.
Anyone else out there have something they have to forgive themselves for?
Random Fact: A key ingredient in steel manufacturing is lime.
Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.
And the hits just keep on coming - does this thing get any easier on the questions? LOL.
Something that I have to forgive myself for is probably a toss up between two things. The first is my tendency to take things very personally, even if I had nothing to do with what happened, and find a way to make things my fault somehow. I know that in my heart not everything is my fault and I cannot control the actions of others and how they use knowledge or information they possess. I always try to find the good in everyone that I meet and I have to understand that not everyone does that. I also assume (yes I know the limerick) that everyone I meet is going to do the right thing and not everyone does.
The other thing that I have to forgive myself for is how long it's taking us to have a family. We're, J and I, struggling with it - everyday. I have to realize that it's not all my fault that it's taking this long and that's extremely hard to do, especially when you're a woman. There are so many complex emotions that go along with it that it's no where near funny and guilt is a big one. I also have to forgive myself when I have a bad day handling it and not get even more down on myself about it. It will happen. I hope. I have to forgive myself when I'm not always strong. Why is it that everyone else seems to get it so easy? I mean there are people that I think they get sneezed on (sometimes by a random guy...but that's another topic) and they're pregnant. To steal a line from one of my very best friends, I have to believe that we're meant to be the parents of a very specific combination of egg and sperm. It's hard to remember sometimes.
Anyone else out there have something they have to forgive themselves for?
Random Fact: A key ingredient in steel manufacturing is lime.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
30 Days of Truth Challenge - Day 2
Day 2. So far so good. So today's topic "Something that you love about yourself" - again so simple! :p
So...what is something that I love about myself. I would probably have to say my resilience and my perseverance. The innate ability to be kicked in the teeth and smile through the pain (for the most part anyway) and in most cases carry on as if nothing was wrong. In some cases still be civil and the bigger person to the kicker. I keep pushing forward, and keep trying. I'm not saying that I never get down on myself or feel like crap about myself because I most certainly do (and truth be told - cause this is what this is all about - it's usually really bad and not pretty). I do, however, try not to let them happen that often and I try to learn something about myself or why they happened. Sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn't.
What do you love about yourself?
Random Fact: The idea that giraffes are mute is very wrong! Although they are normally quiet, calves bleat and make a mewing call, cows seeking lost calves bellow, and courting bulls may emit a raucous cough. Giraffes also give alarm snorts, and moaning, snoring hissing, and flutelike sounds have been reported.
So...what is something that I love about myself. I would probably have to say my resilience and my perseverance. The innate ability to be kicked in the teeth and smile through the pain (for the most part anyway) and in most cases carry on as if nothing was wrong. In some cases still be civil and the bigger person to the kicker. I keep pushing forward, and keep trying. I'm not saying that I never get down on myself or feel like crap about myself because I most certainly do (and truth be told - cause this is what this is all about - it's usually really bad and not pretty). I do, however, try not to let them happen that often and I try to learn something about myself or why they happened. Sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn't.
What do you love about yourself?
Random Fact: The idea that giraffes are mute is very wrong! Although they are normally quiet, calves bleat and make a mewing call, cows seeking lost calves bellow, and courting bulls may emit a raucous cough. Giraffes also give alarm snorts, and moaning, snoring hissing, and flutelike sounds have been reported.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
30 Day Challenge for Blogs
Ok I admit this isn't a new idea but I think I'm going to try it. Blog for 30 days straight with a predetermined topic. I can do this.
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Wow. Let's start off with something easy shall we?
There are things that I dislike about myself. I think everyone has those but I think the one thing I can actually say I hate about myself is that I believe my tear ducts are hardwired to my emotions. I can't seem to experience a "bad" emotion (sadness, anger, hurt, betrayal...etc) without tearing up - no matter how hard I try not to. Infact trying to not tear up usually makes it worse. It bothers me that when I need to have a serious conversation I have to worry if I'm going to need the kleenex. Then I worry that I'm being percieved as weak or inferior because it appears that I can not control my emotions.
Then there are the reprecussions of tearing up, because I feel so bad about it, I usually forget what it was that I wanted/needed to discuss (or my points of view/arguments) or I just want to get out of the situation that I'm in that I just want it to end so I can leave.
Random Facts: A giraffe's toungue is black
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Wow. Let's start off with something easy shall we?
There are things that I dislike about myself. I think everyone has those but I think the one thing I can actually say I hate about myself is that I believe my tear ducts are hardwired to my emotions. I can't seem to experience a "bad" emotion (sadness, anger, hurt, betrayal...etc) without tearing up - no matter how hard I try not to. Infact trying to not tear up usually makes it worse. It bothers me that when I need to have a serious conversation I have to worry if I'm going to need the kleenex. Then I worry that I'm being percieved as weak or inferior because it appears that I can not control my emotions.
Then there are the reprecussions of tearing up, because I feel so bad about it, I usually forget what it was that I wanted/needed to discuss (or my points of view/arguments) or I just want to get out of the situation that I'm in that I just want it to end so I can leave.
Random Facts: A giraffe's toungue is black
Friday, March 11, 2011
Ch-Ch-Cha-Changes
"Clouds may come, but clouds must go, and they all have a silver lining. For behind each cloud you know, the sun, or moon, is shining."
Well...if this week hasn't been an interesting turn of events. I've learned a very hard life lesson this week in a very hard way about just how cuthroat some people can be to get exactly what they want and where they want to be.
I will find a silver lining to this situation or more than one. I believe in karma and that it all works out in the end.
It does make me wonder if there is anyone else on this vast planet who is going through the exact same thing that I am right now. Are they feeling the same emotions? Thinking the same thoughts? Is it even possible for 2 (or more) people to experience the same thing in the exact same way? I know that we are influenced by many things so if you aren't influenced by the same things (parents, religious upbringing, moral and ethical beliefs...etc) can you go through something like this, tell another person about it, and have identical (or extremely similar) experiences?
And now the largest questions of all are posed. Where do you go from here? What move (moves) do you make? Which way do you go? What do you want out of this change? What positive can you make of it? I think the answer for me, right now (atleast to some of those questions), is to get my house in order. Physically, mentally, metaphorically, and literally. There are things have gone neglected for a good length of time and that needs to stop happening. So for me, I think, that's step 1 and we'll go from there. I'm going to try and carve out time each day to write something whether it be a blog, a short story, a mind blowing editorial article (lol)..etc - just something. Writing helps me think through and sort things that are flying through my brain...Like right now I feel...more clear headed (and less stressed), which is probably a good thing because I have to go clean the bathroom...LOL...
Random Fact: When giraffes were first brought to Rome in 46 B.C., they were thought to be as big as a camel, with spots like a leopard. Although we've long since learned the giraffe is not a combination of these animals, the name scientific name camelopardalis (which literally means Cameleopard) stuck.
Well...if this week hasn't been an interesting turn of events. I've learned a very hard life lesson this week in a very hard way about just how cuthroat some people can be to get exactly what they want and where they want to be.
I will find a silver lining to this situation or more than one. I believe in karma and that it all works out in the end.
It does make me wonder if there is anyone else on this vast planet who is going through the exact same thing that I am right now. Are they feeling the same emotions? Thinking the same thoughts? Is it even possible for 2 (or more) people to experience the same thing in the exact same way? I know that we are influenced by many things so if you aren't influenced by the same things (parents, religious upbringing, moral and ethical beliefs...etc) can you go through something like this, tell another person about it, and have identical (or extremely similar) experiences?
And now the largest questions of all are posed. Where do you go from here? What move (moves) do you make? Which way do you go? What do you want out of this change? What positive can you make of it? I think the answer for me, right now (atleast to some of those questions), is to get my house in order. Physically, mentally, metaphorically, and literally. There are things have gone neglected for a good length of time and that needs to stop happening. So for me, I think, that's step 1 and we'll go from there. I'm going to try and carve out time each day to write something whether it be a blog, a short story, a mind blowing editorial article (lol)..etc - just something. Writing helps me think through and sort things that are flying through my brain...Like right now I feel...more clear headed (and less stressed), which is probably a good thing because I have to go clean the bathroom...LOL...
Random Fact: When giraffes were first brought to Rome in 46 B.C., they were thought to be as big as a camel, with spots like a leopard. Although we've long since learned the giraffe is not a combination of these animals, the name scientific name camelopardalis (which literally means Cameleopard) stuck.
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