There are millions of people in this world that would be a great choice to have a cup of coffee with. Brilliant minds that could give insights on whatever you'd want to know, athletes that you admire, musicians, world leaders, celebrities..etc. The list goes on and on but I think the person that I'd want to share this time with, this once in a lifetime opportunity would be my dad. Just to hear his laugh one more time since I don't remember it very clearly. I remember how he used tell me to grow my hair out, despite it being shoulder length, and leave it curly because "men like long, curly hair".
I probably wouldn't even give him his coffee until he had met his granddaughter, who is growing up without being able to experience the full force of his love and generosity, who will only be able to know him through the stories that she hears from us. It's a funny thing though, we have a picture of my mom and dad hanging in the dining area of our kitchen and M will laugh and point (and kiss if we bring the picture down) specifically at my dad every time we walk by it. It's this big, knowing grin; her face literally lights up. She's been doing this since she was about 6-8 months old without us ever specifically showing her the picture. Makes you wonder....
I'd want to know how he thinks I'm doing as a mom. I'd just want him to talk, about anything really, just to hear his voice again. It's funny the things you remember once someone leaves your life forever. Things like he took his coffee black. No frills, no fruity creamers; just a mug of black coffee with the occasional slice of toast. However, he would make 2 pieces of toast because the dog needed breakfast too. The way that when he was concentrating on something he'd stick his tongue out just a fraction - M does the same thing.
I'd want him to know how angry I was at him when he passed away. He should have done more to stay with us, that he knew what he had to do to ease the burden on his heart/body but chose not to. I'd want him to know I'm not anymore and that I have made peace with it, even if it is still too hard for me to visit his grave. I want to know if he's happy where he's at and if he watches over us, especially M. I'd want to know if Montana and Hunter (my parents dogs) are with him too. I'd wonder what he'd make of mom having a cat because she's always claimed she "wasn't a cat" person.
I'd want him to know just how much I miss him and if he misses me (and all of us - Mom, my brothers, nieces...etc) too.
I'd want him to know I love him.
Random Fact: Google was originally called Backrub.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
No Worries, No Pressure
I've been sitting here for over an hour trying to decide what to write for my 30 day challenge/goal and have come up with bupkus. Posting to my blog isn't a requirement for the goal but I thought since it was only the 2nd day it would be easier.
Yeah, not so much.
I know what will happen; same thing as always. I'll struggle to write something and then once M is up from her nap the whip of inspiration will hit me. I will then be try to make notes regarding (or even worse try to commit everything to memory) whatever witty prose I come up with until after bedtime at which time said witty prose will sound either completely asinine or will have been completely forgotten and then the page will continue to sit blank.
I have often thought that my muse is evil and devilish because of the times that she chooses to inspire me to write but now I wonder if it's just me. I try too hard to force it out so I get frustrated and when I'm not thinking of it (or my mind is occupied by other tasks) is when the inspiration is able to come flooding out. So maybe, for now, I'm just going to go read - and keep a notebook close by.
Random fact: If two full moons occur in a month, the second full moon is called a blue moon.
Yeah, not so much.
I know what will happen; same thing as always. I'll struggle to write something and then once M is up from her nap the whip of inspiration will hit me. I will then be try to make notes regarding (or even worse try to commit everything to memory) whatever witty prose I come up with until after bedtime at which time said witty prose will sound either completely asinine or will have been completely forgotten and then the page will continue to sit blank.
I have often thought that my muse is evil and devilish because of the times that she chooses to inspire me to write but now I wonder if it's just me. I try too hard to force it out so I get frustrated and when I'm not thinking of it (or my mind is occupied by other tasks) is when the inspiration is able to come flooding out. So maybe, for now, I'm just going to go read - and keep a notebook close by.
Random fact: If two full moons occur in a month, the second full moon is called a blue moon.
A New Goal
Hel-lo 2013.
I'm about 40 days behind in saying this but well....I needed January to recoup. December flew by in a whirlwind and took a chuck of January with it.
I am the mother of a 1 year old. What a difference a year makes. When I think back to what was going on last year (2012 v 2013) at this time I am simply amazed. She was this teeny little sleepy baby who barely fit into newborn sized clothing. And now - now she is just this little fireball who has a personality that makes me laugh everyday, who is into exploring and climbing and playing. There have been so many changes in a year and I know that they are just going to keep happening.
Everyday I see something new that she's learned. The newest thing is she loves to be read to. She'll go get a book from her little stack and bring it over. She'll attempt to climb into your lap and listen to you read - though you sometimes have to speed read because she's turning the page before you finish the sentence. Her favorites so far are her Minnie's book of colors and Donald's book of counting. She also likes her Princess Cinderella book.
In other 'news' I guess, I've started to set a couple of short and long term goals for myself. The first is I'm going to start getting more decent nights sleep. I'm obviously blowing this one out of the water at the moment because it's just after midnight as I write this but...the fire needs to be going more before I can hit the hay and inspiration hit to write this post.
The second is that for the next 30 days I am going to write something - anything. It doesn't have to be anything special; what I write could be ideas that are bouncing through my head, or a review of a book that I've read, or even a blog post but I have to write something. I thought about making it so that I have to post what I've written here but it's hard to ensure
a copyright on here so I've nixed that idea for now.
The reason behind this goal is that I've started so many different projects (writing wise) and I think all but a handful are sitting in their designated folders unfinished. I'd like to have finished one of them this year. There is another part to this goal that I am still waffling on and that would be that I have to share what I've written with at least 2 people. I'm not very good at sharing my work. I have a handful of people who have knowingly read something I've written (I do not count fanfiction.net because everything is done under pseudonyms/pen names). It's not that I dislike sharing what I've written but more that the audience that I tend to target (ya/new adult/fantasy/sci-fi..etc) isn't typically what the majority of the people I share with read.
Other goals are the standard 'resolution' set - loose weight (which I am working on), be better organized (always trying)...etc. This year is going to be a good year - I can feel it.
Random Fact: Cows "moo" in different accents according to where the live. Just like we talk!
I'm about 40 days behind in saying this but well....I needed January to recoup. December flew by in a whirlwind and took a chuck of January with it.
I am the mother of a 1 year old. What a difference a year makes. When I think back to what was going on last year (2012 v 2013) at this time I am simply amazed. She was this teeny little sleepy baby who barely fit into newborn sized clothing. And now - now she is just this little fireball who has a personality that makes me laugh everyday, who is into exploring and climbing and playing. There have been so many changes in a year and I know that they are just going to keep happening.
Everyday I see something new that she's learned. The newest thing is she loves to be read to. She'll go get a book from her little stack and bring it over. She'll attempt to climb into your lap and listen to you read - though you sometimes have to speed read because she's turning the page before you finish the sentence. Her favorites so far are her Minnie's book of colors and Donald's book of counting. She also likes her Princess Cinderella book.
In other 'news' I guess, I've started to set a couple of short and long term goals for myself. The first is I'm going to start getting more decent nights sleep. I'm obviously blowing this one out of the water at the moment because it's just after midnight as I write this but...the fire needs to be going more before I can hit the hay and inspiration hit to write this post.
The second is that for the next 30 days I am going to write something - anything. It doesn't have to be anything special; what I write could be ideas that are bouncing through my head, or a review of a book that I've read, or even a blog post but I have to write something. I thought about making it so that I have to post what I've written here but it's hard to ensure
a copyright on here so I've nixed that idea for now.
The reason behind this goal is that I've started so many different projects (writing wise) and I think all but a handful are sitting in their designated folders unfinished. I'd like to have finished one of them this year. There is another part to this goal that I am still waffling on and that would be that I have to share what I've written with at least 2 people. I'm not very good at sharing my work. I have a handful of people who have knowingly read something I've written (I do not count fanfiction.net because everything is done under pseudonyms/pen names). It's not that I dislike sharing what I've written but more that the audience that I tend to target (ya/new adult/fantasy/sci-fi..etc) isn't typically what the majority of the people I share with read.
Other goals are the standard 'resolution' set - loose weight (which I am working on), be better organized (always trying)...etc. This year is going to be a good year - I can feel it.
Random Fact: Cows "moo" in different accents according to where the live. Just like we talk!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Winging it.
Some days that's all I feel like I do all day long.
I wish J's family accepted me as one of their own or even as a family member. Heck I'd even take that they stopped thinking about me as a temporary person in J's life.
I wish that the respect that is expected from me was with the understanding that I deserved to be respected as well.
There are just some days I think they'd be happy if I fell off the face of the Earth or at a bare minimum out of their (and conversely J's) lives.
I try really hard to laugh it off and brush it off as typical joined family crap but I have feelings and it hurts! Backhanded comments and total disregard for me, not only as a person but also as the wife of your son/brother and as the mother of your granddaughter/niece, hurts! It hurts as much as driving a knife through my heart. I know you don't think I'm good enough and hell - I'll be honest - there are times that I don't think I'm good enough either not for everything that he does so that I can stay home with M and she doesn't have to go to daycare. However, I LOVE HIM. I have loved him for as long as I can remember and I will love him from beyond.
I'm frustrated because I don't know how to solve the problem. I'm frustrated because I don't know how the problem started. I'm not asking you to love me, but try to like me. Attempt to get to know me as a person, not just J's wife, M's mom. Maybe try to be a friend...or just try.
Random Fact: A lemon contains more sugar than a strawberry.
I wish J's family accepted me as one of their own or even as a family member. Heck I'd even take that they stopped thinking about me as a temporary person in J's life.
I wish that the respect that is expected from me was with the understanding that I deserved to be respected as well.
There are just some days I think they'd be happy if I fell off the face of the Earth or at a bare minimum out of their (and conversely J's) lives.
I try really hard to laugh it off and brush it off as typical joined family crap but I have feelings and it hurts! Backhanded comments and total disregard for me, not only as a person but also as the wife of your son/brother and as the mother of your granddaughter/niece, hurts! It hurts as much as driving a knife through my heart. I know you don't think I'm good enough and hell - I'll be honest - there are times that I don't think I'm good enough either not for everything that he does so that I can stay home with M and she doesn't have to go to daycare. However, I LOVE HIM. I have loved him for as long as I can remember and I will love him from beyond.
I'm frustrated because I don't know how to solve the problem. I'm frustrated because I don't know how the problem started. I'm not asking you to love me, but try to like me. Attempt to get to know me as a person, not just J's wife, M's mom. Maybe try to be a friend...or just try.
Random Fact: A lemon contains more sugar than a strawberry.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Opinions....
So the other day J and I were asked if we'd seen so-and-so's facebook post and how the questioner couldn't believe what so-and-so posted; this got me to thinking...
Facebook is a social networking site but what exactly is the definition of 'social networking'? Well, according to my friend Google it is defined as:
The use of a dedicated Web site to communicate informally with other members of the site, by posting messages, photographs, etc.
This leads to my next question - should you have to censor what you post if you know that something you want to post would offend one of your 'friends'? And then that therefore leads into the question should you censor yourself in other places, such as websites, and blogs, too?
My thought is no. I know that I don't censor myself here on my blog, though I do have 'code' (albeit not particularly creative ones...LOL) names for people in my life if I discuss them on here. J is my husband, M is my daughter...etc. I know when I post updates on the social networking site that I belong to I don't willingly go and blast people who have upset me (though there have been times that I've wanted to) but I do discuss things that are going on in my/our life now and again. I usually don't stop to think how someone is going to react when I post things because it's what I'm thinking/feeling at the moment.
If people are your 'friends' then they accept you the way you are, the good with the maybe not so good. Most of the time the things that are posted are mundane and trivial but occasionally people do post rants. Sometimes they even post things in frustration or anger but chances are they're just that - frustration and anger. But what happens when someone posts something controversial? Are they looking to purposely stir the pot or are they looking for a good and healthy debate, simply stating how they feel or believe? Does the thought on posting things like that change?
I'm all for healthy debates. One where there isn't any judgement, name calling, putting down of differing opinions but a simple, open dialogue exchange between people and their views. One where there isn't any name calling or putting down of others beliefs. The ideal outcome of this situation is everyone takes something away from the table, whether or not they changed how they see the topic or not. Unfortunately this doesn't happen very often because more often than not the outcome is everyone is defensive and put out because they think their opinion of the topic is the right one. The refusal to listen to someone else's side is causing the world to go deaf.
I believe that you shouldn't take anything posted on a social networking site to heart unless it's specifically directed at you (ie - your name is somewhere in the post). If someone posts something that you find offensive or that you don't agree with - let it go. It wasn't posted to hurt you or to drag your beliefs/morals through the mud. That person doesn't need to be told how their post was wrong or offensive to you because, again, unless your name is somewhere specifically in the post it - it more than likely wasn't about you.
Now I do think that personally attacking/cyber bullying someone through a social networking site is wrong. Just. Plain. Wrong. No one deserves to be attacked/bullied/harassed...etc. The world can be/is cruel enough without that being added to the mix. Maturity is a major factoring in having a social networking account in my opinion and those without it shouldn't be allowed to have one. If you really have a problem with someone deal with it face to face, not from behind a computer screen.
Random Fact: Until coffee gained popularity, beer was the beverage of choice for breakfast in most urban areas of the United States.
Facebook is a social networking site but what exactly is the definition of 'social networking'? Well, according to my friend Google it is defined as:
The use of a dedicated Web site to communicate informally with other members of the site, by posting messages, photographs, etc.
This leads to my next question - should you have to censor what you post if you know that something you want to post would offend one of your 'friends'? And then that therefore leads into the question should you censor yourself in other places, such as websites, and blogs, too?
My thought is no. I know that I don't censor myself here on my blog, though I do have 'code' (albeit not particularly creative ones...LOL) names for people in my life if I discuss them on here. J is my husband, M is my daughter...etc. I know when I post updates on the social networking site that I belong to I don't willingly go and blast people who have upset me (though there have been times that I've wanted to) but I do discuss things that are going on in my/our life now and again. I usually don't stop to think how someone is going to react when I post things because it's what I'm thinking/feeling at the moment.
If people are your 'friends' then they accept you the way you are, the good with the maybe not so good. Most of the time the things that are posted are mundane and trivial but occasionally people do post rants. Sometimes they even post things in frustration or anger but chances are they're just that - frustration and anger. But what happens when someone posts something controversial? Are they looking to purposely stir the pot or are they looking for a good and healthy debate, simply stating how they feel or believe? Does the thought on posting things like that change?
I'm all for healthy debates. One where there isn't any judgement, name calling, putting down of differing opinions but a simple, open dialogue exchange between people and their views. One where there isn't any name calling or putting down of others beliefs. The ideal outcome of this situation is everyone takes something away from the table, whether or not they changed how they see the topic or not. Unfortunately this doesn't happen very often because more often than not the outcome is everyone is defensive and put out because they think their opinion of the topic is the right one. The refusal to listen to someone else's side is causing the world to go deaf.
I believe that you shouldn't take anything posted on a social networking site to heart unless it's specifically directed at you (ie - your name is somewhere in the post). If someone posts something that you find offensive or that you don't agree with - let it go. It wasn't posted to hurt you or to drag your beliefs/morals through the mud. That person doesn't need to be told how their post was wrong or offensive to you because, again, unless your name is somewhere specifically in the post it - it more than likely wasn't about you.
Now I do think that personally attacking/cyber bullying someone through a social networking site is wrong. Just. Plain. Wrong. No one deserves to be attacked/bullied/harassed...etc. The world can be/is cruel enough without that being added to the mix. Maturity is a major factoring in having a social networking account in my opinion and those without it shouldn't be allowed to have one. If you really have a problem with someone deal with it face to face, not from behind a computer screen.
Random Fact: Until coffee gained popularity, beer was the beverage of choice for breakfast in most urban areas of the United States.
Monday, October 8, 2012
And so it starts...
Christmas shopping.
I know I know - it's over two months away. No one wants to think about it yet. Well I do!
Yup that's right I do and I've started. I'm pretty darn proud of it too. Granted I don't have much but I'm started and for me to be started before Thanksgiving is a pretty big feat. My goal for this year is to be done or pretty close to it before we leave on December 10th. I am not going to be running around like a crazed person this year trying to get everything we need in a matter of a week.
It should be easier this year because for starters I'm not 7 and 1/2 -8 months pregnant and I actually have ideas for everyone! Well almost everyone.
I'm so excited about Christmas this year. It's going to be so different and so much fun. We're trying really hard not to overdo it with M because she won't understand but it's hard. I don't want her to think that her birthday is in competition with Christmas because of it's location or that she won't get as special of a gift for Christmas or her birthday because of when she was born. How did my parents do it?
I think we've managed to find invitations that we like for her birthday now just to finish that list to see how many people we need invitations for...LOL...which means I should probably wrap up this post and go do that...or something else just as useful...like dream of Disney....ha ha ha ha....
Random Fact: A duel between three people is called a "truel."
I know I know - it's over two months away. No one wants to think about it yet. Well I do!
Yup that's right I do and I've started. I'm pretty darn proud of it too. Granted I don't have much but I'm started and for me to be started before Thanksgiving is a pretty big feat. My goal for this year is to be done or pretty close to it before we leave on December 10th. I am not going to be running around like a crazed person this year trying to get everything we need in a matter of a week.
It should be easier this year because for starters I'm not 7 and 1/2 -8 months pregnant and I actually have ideas for everyone! Well almost everyone.
I'm so excited about Christmas this year. It's going to be so different and so much fun. We're trying really hard not to overdo it with M because she won't understand but it's hard. I don't want her to think that her birthday is in competition with Christmas because of it's location or that she won't get as special of a gift for Christmas or her birthday because of when she was born. How did my parents do it?
I think we've managed to find invitations that we like for her birthday now just to finish that list to see how many people we need invitations for...LOL...which means I should probably wrap up this post and go do that...or something else just as useful...like dream of Disney....ha ha ha ha....
Random Fact: A duel between three people is called a "truel."
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
1st Birthday Party
Wow.
I had no idea that a kid's birthday party would have so many logistics. I really didn't. My mom made it seem so easy. Ha. I guarantee, even though she's helping when I ask her to, she's laughing while I try to navigate the ins and outs of birthday party planning.
1st Dilemma:
When to have it. Given that the month of December is, lets be nice and say a little hectic -- especially this year, we were floundering on trying to do her birthday earlier in the month or push it back until January.
Solution:
We decided that with everything going on we are pushing her party back until the first part of January. I hate not being able to have it on her birthday but it just wasn't in the cards this year. I know she won't really remember it anyway but somehow I feel like I have robbed her in a way of having it properly celebrated. :(
2nd Dilemma:
1 party for everyone or 2 separate parties for each side of the family (1 party for my side, 1 party for his side). Upside 1 party - it's over and done with in a day. Boom, bang, thank you ma'am - turn the lights off we're going home. Downside to 1 party - there are a lot of people and we'd probably have to rent something somewhere to hold everyone (downside to winter birthdays in general in the north - the cold weather/snow kinda takes away the ability to have shindigs outside). Upside to 2 parties -- M gets to spend more one on one time with everyone and there would be the possibility of having it at a house of either us or another relative.
Solution:
1 party. Schedule constraints with J make this the really only viable option unless we really spread the parties apart plus the ability to rent a building (thanks mom!) at little to no cost that will hold everyone answers that one with no looking back.
3rd Dilemma:
Invitations. How hard can it be to have a simple invitation for the 1 year old. I don't want something cartoon-y with Elmo or Princesses on it (maybe next year we'll do a theme) or something that looks like it was designed for a wedding. I just want a simple invite announcing that you're invited to my kid's 1st birthday party - here's the date, place, and time. And yes, I want this without having to raid her college fund to pay for it. I spent most of her afternoon nap today perusing the internet looking for ideas. I would absolutely love to hand-make her invites (because then I'd assure myself I'd get what I want) but I just don't think I have the time to get however many I need done.
Solution:
Nothing so far....
4th Dilemma:
Guest list. Ugh. Where do you draw the line? Should you send invites to people you know won't/can't come to be polite or if nothing else to keep the family peace? Can you invite one cousin but not another? Do you invite the same basic people to the 1st birthday as you do to the shower? What about the people you invited to the shower who didn't show? If you invite to a certain family length on one side do you have to keep it the same on the other? Again, ugh.
Solution:
Nothing so far. List is started and that's about it.
5th Dilemma:
Food. Do you serve a meal? Meal-lite? Hor d'oeuvres? Snacks? Pizza and wings? Will people only come for the free food? What if they don't RSVP and we don't have enough? I know I'm making her cake/cupcakes (she's going to get her own 'smash' cake and there will be cupcakes for everyone to enjoy). I don't want people to think we're stingy or cheap if we do like snack trays (cheese, cracker, pepperoni, a fruit tray, a veggie tray...)...hmm..maybe I'll look into an assorted sub tray from Subway...
Solution:
Thinking. Making lists. Thinking. Thanking myself for starting now. Adding Subway to the list.
I'm sure there are more dilemmas out there that I haven't thought of but I'm tired and it's off to bed with me. And I've thought of another one - what about favor bags? Do people still do them anymore? Do you have to do them with a 1st birthday? And what about decorations? Is it ok not to do a theme party?
Seriously - I'm going to bed or I'll try and have this whole party planned out and drive myself insane.
Random Fact: There are 18 different animal cracker shapes.
I had no idea that a kid's birthday party would have so many logistics. I really didn't. My mom made it seem so easy. Ha. I guarantee, even though she's helping when I ask her to, she's laughing while I try to navigate the ins and outs of birthday party planning.
1st Dilemma:
When to have it. Given that the month of December is, lets be nice and say a little hectic -- especially this year, we were floundering on trying to do her birthday earlier in the month or push it back until January.
Solution:
We decided that with everything going on we are pushing her party back until the first part of January. I hate not being able to have it on her birthday but it just wasn't in the cards this year. I know she won't really remember it anyway but somehow I feel like I have robbed her in a way of having it properly celebrated. :(
2nd Dilemma:
1 party for everyone or 2 separate parties for each side of the family (1 party for my side, 1 party for his side). Upside 1 party - it's over and done with in a day. Boom, bang, thank you ma'am - turn the lights off we're going home. Downside to 1 party - there are a lot of people and we'd probably have to rent something somewhere to hold everyone (downside to winter birthdays in general in the north - the cold weather/snow kinda takes away the ability to have shindigs outside). Upside to 2 parties -- M gets to spend more one on one time with everyone and there would be the possibility of having it at a house of either us or another relative.
Solution:
1 party. Schedule constraints with J make this the really only viable option unless we really spread the parties apart plus the ability to rent a building (thanks mom!) at little to no cost that will hold everyone answers that one with no looking back.
3rd Dilemma:
Invitations. How hard can it be to have a simple invitation for the 1 year old. I don't want something cartoon-y with Elmo or Princesses on it (maybe next year we'll do a theme) or something that looks like it was designed for a wedding. I just want a simple invite announcing that you're invited to my kid's 1st birthday party - here's the date, place, and time. And yes, I want this without having to raid her college fund to pay for it. I spent most of her afternoon nap today perusing the internet looking for ideas. I would absolutely love to hand-make her invites (because then I'd assure myself I'd get what I want) but I just don't think I have the time to get however many I need done.
Solution:
Nothing so far....
4th Dilemma:
Guest list. Ugh. Where do you draw the line? Should you send invites to people you know won't/can't come to be polite or if nothing else to keep the family peace? Can you invite one cousin but not another? Do you invite the same basic people to the 1st birthday as you do to the shower? What about the people you invited to the shower who didn't show? If you invite to a certain family length on one side do you have to keep it the same on the other? Again, ugh.
Solution:
Nothing so far. List is started and that's about it.
5th Dilemma:
Food. Do you serve a meal? Meal-lite? Hor d'oeuvres? Snacks? Pizza and wings? Will people only come for the free food? What if they don't RSVP and we don't have enough? I know I'm making her cake/cupcakes (she's going to get her own 'smash' cake and there will be cupcakes for everyone to enjoy). I don't want people to think we're stingy or cheap if we do like snack trays (cheese, cracker, pepperoni, a fruit tray, a veggie tray...)...hmm..maybe I'll look into an assorted sub tray from Subway...
Solution:
Thinking. Making lists. Thinking. Thanking myself for starting now. Adding Subway to the list.
I'm sure there are more dilemmas out there that I haven't thought of but I'm tired and it's off to bed with me. And I've thought of another one - what about favor bags? Do people still do them anymore? Do you have to do them with a 1st birthday? And what about decorations? Is it ok not to do a theme party?
Seriously - I'm going to bed or I'll try and have this whole party planned out and drive myself insane.
Random Fact: There are 18 different animal cracker shapes.
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