Saturday, October 10, 2009

“In order to plan your future wisely, it is necessary that you understand and appreciate your past.” Jo Coudert

Isn't that a great quote? I think it's one of the wisest quotes I've heard in awhile because it speaks volumes in just a few small words and it's true in almost all aspects of life. I mean would we appreciate where we are today if it wasn't for our past? Would someone who struggled through college, barely making ends meet and having to give up certain social activities, or new clothes every weekend, or a trip home if they are studying far away from time to time appreciate the dream job they just landed if it were to have been just given to them without any effort on their part? Maybe but more than likely not. Sure it would be nice to have everything handed to us on a silver platter but what would we learn? What experience would we gain? I'm not saying that life needs to be one constant struggle but I think that if there is something that someone wants bad enough they will find away; it may not be the easiest and it may not be immediate but the dream will come true for them.

Had an excellent lesson on Thursday. I feel so confident and more relaxed and better balanced. It was like everything just clicked. It's nice to know that I'm getting my riding legs back and that my previous forgotten skills are coming back quicker with each lesson. I'm not even comparing myself to my friend L (she rides with me) but it's nice to have that one other person there because I'm a very visual person and I can take a minute break and watch her form and her technique if I'm struggling. I hope that makes my head it sounded much If anyone needs a good inner thigh muscle work out - go ride a horse! I'm truly loving it. :) I love how I'm completely focused on something other than work, something other than what's going on in my life for 2 hours every Thursday. There's something about having to have your brain be completely and totally engaged in the now that's very therapeutic. :)

I had a doctor's appointment on Friday (yesterday). Everything went well. Asked a bunch of questions and I feel better about where we stand. I hate feeling helpless and this appointment today made me feel less. We made some decisions and we'll see where that takes us. Knowing that there options gives me just enough sense of control that I don't feel my world is spinning out of orbit. I feel confident in our decision and while I'm still very much trying not to get my hopes up, I'm being cautiously optimistic.

Well I've had a headache for most of the day, so I'm completely wiped out and I think I'm going to bed or atleast going to get off of here...LOL

Random Fact: In Boulder Colorado it is illegal to let a Llama graze on city property.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Give me strength, courage, and trust beyond that which I have...

Rough weekend and try as I might my mood has been slightly less than stellar.

My Dad has been gone now for 2 years. Doesn't really seem like it but it has. That of course has got me to thinking what am I going to lose this year? In 2007 I lost my father, in 2008 we suffered a miscarriage. 2009 isn't over yet. Am I going to lose something else? I hate thinking of it that way and I really am trying not to but it's definitely a thought that has crossed my mind this weekend.

Other than that, I managed to bruise my elbow by slamming it (not bumping it, or whacking it - I mean full force slam) into a door frame as I was rushing around on Saturday and I managed to cut my finger while I was trying to cut up the potatoes. I managed to peel them just fine but when I was cubing them up, I nicked my finger. Thought everything was ok, then I saw the blood. Just a small cut but still, felt like just my luck this weekend. OH! and I managed to get a UTI. Lucky, fun for me.

Still no period. Tested again on Friday with another negative result. We're going on 46 days now. I'm going to try and make an appointment this week. We'll probably end up doing the Provera again and go from there...It's such a frustrating situation. I can't even tell the office when I think I ovulated because I don't know because I don't have a steady pattern...Grrrr.

For some reason, when I write things down here I feel better. I've also started journaling again; not that I don't love my blog, but it's so nice to just be able to "empty" my mind. To just be able to put everything into words. Hopefully that makes sense.

I think I'm gonna wake J up and go to bed.