Strong is the new thin....

 I'm fat. 

I'm out of shape. 

I'm not trying to talk badly about myself or put myself down but this is a fact. I am overweight. I've been overweight for most of my life - I've definitely struggled with my weight my entire life - but I'm truly starting to see that I need to get back into better shape since having kids. 

Why is finding the time to workout so hard? Why does everything about working out seem so difficult? 

I also suffer from something called PCOS - Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. A lovely *sarcasm* hormonal condition the affect *insert drumroll here* weight. Yay - lucky me. Basically I could workout 7 days a week for 3 hours a day and I wouldn't get the results a non-PCOS person would. I would probably still lose weight but it wouldn't be the same as your average person - if all external factors were similar (meal plan for example). It sucks and it's hard not to get down on myself when J and I workout together and he drops 5lbs but I don't lose anything (or worse gain). 

I don't know what the purpose of this post is for. Maybe it's just me complaining/venting. Maybe it's to try and bring awareness to people who judge others by their appearance. 

I will say I am trying. I'm trying to workout between 3 & 4 days a week but it's hard. I'm trying to be better for myself. For my kids. For life. I don't want to be 'thin' I want to be strong & toned. I want to be able to shop for clothes without feeling horrible about myself and how I look. I want to be able to be healthy.

Random Fact: Kangaroos can not walk backwards.

Boundaries

I had this whole post written up in my head regarding boundaries and basic kindness. About how they were healthy and helped lay a foundation about your self worth and self respect similar to morals and ethics. 

However, after writing it all out and reading it through myself, it felt incredibly preachy and pompous so I deleted it. Now I'm just going to 'shoot from the hip' so I apologize if it's a bit rambly. 

 

A friend posted this the other day on her feed. I must have stared at it for a good five minutes and reread it multiple times. Isn't it a sad truth? Just because you have a person in your circle, friend or family, it doesn't mean that person is rooting for you or supporting you. It doesn't mean that they want the best from you. Some people are masters at just using you for information or what you can do for them. 

It's why I tell my girls that the quantity of friends that they have doesn't matter - it's the quality of friends. You want people in your life that are going to support you and root for you in your soaring moments and your struggling ones. You want the people that you can confide in and trust. It's also those friends who know and respect what your boundaries are. They don't want the people who are going to steamroll over them and bully them into doing things they aren't comfortable with. They don't want people who aren't willing to compromise on things (the "it's the my way or no way" kind of people).

Teaching our children to set boundaries is healthy. Teaching them that they deserve to be respected; that their worth isn't tied to what they can do for or give someone. That they should give respect where it's deserved (not just demanded) is so important in life. There's nothing wrong with standing your ground if you or your boundaries aren't being respected; it doesn't make you any kind of 'bad guy'. I've always said you don't have you like or even be friends with everyone you meet. Some people just have personality clashes or just won't get along, but you can treat everyone with dignity, kindness, and basic respect.

I guess that's my 2 cents for the day. Hope everyone is happy and healthy. Toodles.

Random Fact: A chef's tall hat, officially known as a toque, traditionally has 100 pleats. Those 100 pleats stand for the 100 ways to cook an egg.

 

 

Closing Life Chapters

 So the weather has been getting nicer here lately, depending on the day. Blue skies and sun are becoming more prevalent and the temps are (mostly LOL) rising.

As an adult I know this means I need to start thinking about rotating in warmer weather clothes and possibly replacing some that have worn out - as all clothes eventually do. As a parent, I know that this means often children have completely outgrown a full season's worth of wardrobe that needs to be replaced or at the very least checked over and rotated to the next child. 

This is where I started my mission for the week. I started with the youngest because she obviously has no younger sibling to rotate the clothes down to. Those clothes get washed and packed away, separated out into what I'm keeping for them down the timeline (which to be honest these days is few and far between), a few like new pieces get offered to friends who have younger girls, and the rest goes to the yard sale pile. 

I ended up having to go through most of the boxes I had already packed to make sure that sizes hadn't been mixed up. As I looked at the clothes, I started to feel really sad, nearly tearing up. There would be no more of our babies to wear these clothes. There would be no more of our 'babies'. C was the last in our line. I know, logically, that the right choice was made to be done after her. I know that mentally, another loss would have been too much and how much of a toll the anxiety I experienced with her pregnancy took on me. But my heart still misses having a little baby. Their smells and their snuggles. The first smile, the first coo...

I know it's a great thing our girls are growing up. I know we have amazing things to come and memories to be made. It's easier to get things done now that they're older and more self sufficient which means we can do bigger things or more involved things. 

But it's so hard to say goodbye. 

I know it's irrational to have this kind of emotion tied to clothing but my babies wore them. The babies that I wanted so badly for so long...and so many that I've lost. 

I have 22 boxes of clothing waiting for a decision to be made. I think my plan is to have yard sale to get rid of them but I look a the boxes and I see my 'babies' in the clothes in those boxes and I falter. I know I need to get rid of them. They are taking up space and not being used. I know there are others that can use them more than we currently are...

I've never had such a hard time closing a chapter in my life.

BUT....

I made it through all of those boxes, condensed and even purged some stuff that I felt wouldn't be things I would buy...etc for others which is good. I haven some things that I'm not sure I want to part with - though I know people who would probably love them. So those are set aside...for now. And C's room is spring-cleaned and better organized. M's room was also spring cleaned and better organized. We upgraded her walls a bit from kiddy-style decals to some more mature art for her age.

All in all it's been a good couple of days. 

Happy Easter everyone!

Random Fact: Scotland is home to many mythical creatures. While many have claimed to have seen the Loch Ness monster, Scotland's national animal is the unicorn.

Time Flies....

 Wow. I don't know what made me think of this blog, but I'm glad I did. It was a nice stroll down memory lane. :) My last post was in 2013. It's amazing how much can change in 7 years, yet other things remain...similar.

For starters, J and I have moved. We sold our starter home a couple of years ago. We've moved to a larger home and are in the processes of finishing an addition that we dreamed of when we bought the house. Other than the state that it's located in (which is honestly a whole other post in itself), we love it. 

M is now 7 years older, and a avid bookworm (as I had hoped for back in 2013). She's active in her sport of choice, having made the competition team. She's an amazing young woman, smart as can be, loving, caring and growing up too fast.

We have also added L and C to the family over the last 7 years. Both are amazing young ladies. I do joke that if C was the oldest, C would have been the only because that girl gives us a run for our money every day. Though I wouldn't change any of our girls for the world because we love them just the way they are. They're going to change the world someday. 

We've been asked if we're going to keep trying for a boy, which I would have loved but we also experienced a very high number of miscarriages before getting and staying pregnant with M. We had more miscarriages both before L and before C. After C, I decided that my heart couldn't handle any more losses and J supported any decision I made because as he told me "You are the one that has to shoulder the majority of the burden - whether good or bad - in this equation". I had bad anxiety with C, due to a late miscarriage before her and horrific violent dreams during the pregnancy. Our family was complete at 5.  I think this will also be a post topic for the future because I feel like can finally talk about it.

We also lost our bulldog babies but we know that they lived long, full and happy lives. We have also added another dog to our family 2 years ago. R is just a barrel of energy and significantly larger than a bulldog.

I'm hoping that this is the beginning of me blogging again. I've honestly missed it and now, since the kids are older and able to occupy themselves for periods of time, I'm looking forward to a little bit of time where my brain can focus on something other than being "mom". 

Until next time....(and hopefully not 7 years....LOL)


Random Fact: There is no US State that contains the letter Q.