Monday, June 22, 2009

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing. . .

With a broken heart that's still beating. . . .

Just when I think I have a grip on things someone speeds the ride up and all I want to do is get off. Why is the world so cruel?

Why am I forced to listen to a co-worker complain about her children doing trivial things when all I want to do is tell her to shut up. I want to tell her that I would give anything to have a child to complain about. She's so excited that she's "getting rid" of her 3 kids for the entire month of July. She's even gone as far as to tell me to be thankful that I don't have any kids. What I wouldn't give to have 1 healthy normal child, let alone 3.

My period is late. It was due around the 12th. I've tested twice, both time negative. I kept saying I wasn't getting my hopes up - and I tried. I tried really hard but I guess in the background they crept up anyway. I don't know what to do. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to curl into a ball and stay there forever. I want to be normal. There's nothing anyone can do; I guess it's just not meant to be for me.


Sheri said...

Holly I've been sitting here for about twenty minutes trying to come up with the perfect thing to say and it all sounds like crap.

I'm frustrated on your behalf! I get so annoyed with people who seem to genuinely dislike parenthood. Don't get me wrong there are frustrating days and I don't have 3 but I can't imagine being away from Arielle for a month and liking it...after 8 hours I miss her. Not that you want to hear that either sorry :(

My sister was extra late one month too and it was very hard for her. You try to tell yourself that you aren't excited but you can't help but hope just a little bit and that just makes it that much harder when it comes. Again I wish I could say something to make it better I really's really just so unfair!

Know that you have a friend praying for you here sending as many good thoughts and vibes that I can. I can't WAIT for the announcement that I KNOW is coming one day...*hugs from Manitoba!* :)