Monday, November 30, 2009

Almost December Already....

Wow. I can't believe that it's almost December already. Where has this month gone? This year?? I feel like it's just flown by. I don't know if that makes me happy or sad.

On one hand I want to be excited about Christmas. On the other, I keep thinking I should be buying for a 5 month old. I know it's stupid and pointless but it's still in the back of my mind.

Someone said to me the other day that she didn't understand why pregnant people bother me so much. It wasn't like I was pregnant long enough to feel pregnant. It wasn't like I held my child and then they died. I knew what she meant but it still knocked the wind out of me. It still made me feel like - is she right? Do I have the right to be thinking this way? I mean I wasn't pregnant for a very long time but it still felt real to me and I don't bash the pregnant people I see. I don't say anything bad about them or wish them ill will. I don't even understand how she could say something like that... It upset me but then me being upset about it upset me and it was just a bad cycle.

I know my friends understand how I feel and I thank them everyday for listening to me because I'm sure to a point I feel like a broken record.

Ok - well I think I'm going to sign off for now and go to a little "Cyber Monday" Christmas shopping. :)

Random Fact: The movie New Moon's American premiere was held on 16 November 2009, which, in the lunar cycle, is a new moon


Sheri said...

Okay I know this is a late comment but frankly I think your friend is ignorant...I'm sure she is a sweet person and I apologize for insulting her, but why in the name of heaven would she say that to you?

What you lost was the dream of that child. Because what most women do when they want to get pregnant and find out they are is start thinking about that child. You dream about when they're born, when they go to school, when they graduate and when they give you grandbabies. They could be gestating for a mere couple of weeks and if you know you are dreaming about them.

When you miscarry the dream of that particular child dies and what's worse for women who miscarry is the fact that they do not have the closure of a body to bury.

No one should belittle someone's mourning. I think it's cruel and unfair. So in answer to your question she is NOT right. You lost a very real child. You are in the process of healing from that. So allow yourself to do that and learn to hope again :) *hugs*