Sunday, March 21, 2010

Find me a hole.

For lack of a better word, I am frustrated. I am angry. I am sick of seeing and hearing about people getting what I so desperately want yet can not have - yet. I will throw that little word of hope in there because there is a glimmer of hope. I don't want to come across as insensitive or this cruel old bat...I am genuinely happy for them and I don't want anyone to go through a heartbreak such as miscarriage or the loss of a child. I wish them nothing but the best and I will be there to share in their joy; at the same time I wish it was me.

I hate that my doctor's office told me that I probably wouldn't be on the pill for more than 2 weeks and now it turns out I will have been on it for 6 and I don't know if I'm going to have to be on it after the surgery or not. I don't know how long after the surgery we're going to have to wait to start trying again. I hate that they got me in so quickly for the HSG and the MRI. Now it feels like they are dragging their feet with the surgery. I wish I didn't even have to have this surgery - I wish I knew that this was going to all be worth it.

I just want to scream. I just want to find a hole and crawl in there - to stay.

Random Fact: The coconut is the largest seed in the world.