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Thursday, July 15, 2010

I hate this.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.



I hate that this is so hard. I hate that we have to wait yet another month losing more time. I hate that it's this month that this chose to happen. I hate that everyone is so nonchalant about it like it's no big deal. Well it is to me! I know that it happens frequently and yes I know they go away but why now? It's not like we've done anything different in the last month than we've done in the past months.

I HATE THIS.

I hate feeling like it's never gonna happen. I hate not knowing and having to wonder. Is someone really trying to give us a sign that this really shouldn't happen? Does someone have a voodo doll of me and is poking it relentlessly with pins? I just want answers and they're not there.

I'm so sick of hearing relax, and "your body is just telling you you're not ready" and it'll get better - it's just a month. I've already give up 4 months this year with the surgery and now I have to give up, at a minimum, one more. It's not fair! I was so excited to be able to try something different. I'm so tired of seeing everyone around me get what they want and J and I struggle day in and day out. I swear I'd love life as a hermit.

Random Fact: Ben and Jerry's sends the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed.

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