Sunday, May 9, 2010

“When motherhood becomes the fruit of a deep yearning, not the result of ignorance or accident, its children will become the foundation of a new race.” Margaret Sanger

Happy Mother's Day to all of the wonderful mothers that are out there. I know I can say that I know several fantastic mommas! I've also had a couple of people wish me happiness on this day and the first time I wanted to cry and scream that it was a hurtful thing to say. Like I needed to be reminded that this should have been my first Mother's Day. Like I needed to be reminded of the fact that J and I should have a 10 month old because ya know that thought hasn't been running through my head all week. And while I know our dads are taking care of our child in the great beyond - I still selfishly want him or her here with me.

But then I had two other people acknowledge that, while this is a very bittersweet day, that my child was very real to atleast me and that it's ok for me to be a little sad but that it's ok for me to also accept wishes of Happy Mother's Day because I was a mom, if only for a few weeks. I've always felt guilty for accepting those kinds of wishes; like I didn't deserve them because I was pregnant for just a few weeks, I've never given birth. I thought they they were reserved for people who had children who called them mom, for those people who by birth or adoption had children, or people who lost their children late in pregnancy. I'm not sure that I agree with I deserve it but I am going to be far more gracious (especially in thought because well that's where I yell at most people) at accepting them because apparently in the well wishers eyes' I deserve them.

I'm forcing myself to be more positive because I'm sick of being negative. I'm sick of feeling like a loser because we're having a hard time getting pregnant. We are going to get beyond this.

Random Fact: The Muppet Show was banned from Saudi Arabian TV becuase one if its stars was a pig. (I loved that show!)