Saturday, October 15, 2011


I'm sure this isn't just another hormonal rant. Fairly certain. At least I know it's not 100% hormonal driven...

What is it about in-laws and lack of respect that seem to go together? Deep down I know it's not all in-laws and it's unfair to lump them all into one category but for the purposes of this post - I'm sorry if you're one of the good ones. 

Now I know we're all partial to our "side" of the family. I'll admit it; I prefer being with my family rather than J's, not that I don't love them. It's just hard to be around them sometimes. It wasn't always that way however, something changed drastically and to be completely honest I'm not sure what it was other than it seemed to have been sometime around our wedding (J is the 'baby' of the family - fyi). I don't want anyone to walk away from this post thinking that I don't care about my inlaws because I do - they are part of my family. I wouldn't have my husband, who is the world's most wonderful, sweet, kind, and caring guy, if it wasn't for them.

My biggest peeve is that there is a lack of respect for J and I as a couple. For example, if someone comes up with an idea for a joint gift for another person in the family  unless J is the one to answer the question after we've discussed it and looked at our budget, it seems like the decision is up for questioning or debate. Last Christmas this situation came up and the topic was repeatedly brought up until J said somethings, despite me saying and repeating that it just wasn't in our budget and we couldn't swing it. Or if I state my opinion/thoughts on a subject during a discussion either I'm wrong and/or I get corrected (ie told) why I'm wrong. To a point I feel like the general consensus is that I'm temporary and that they have to tolerate me long enough until I go away. Another example is that when HRPitA (or aka A) joined Facebook, she friended J and D but didn't friend me until J spoke up and said something (3 days or so days later), even after I asked him not to because at that point I didn't care anymore. The lack of something as simple as an invite spoke volumes. Even then it took like an additional 3 days for the friending to come along.

There are other examples but I think the point is made. Now, and this probably wrong on my part but I've just let most things go, for the most part unless they really have bothered me, but with Nugget on the way, I am feeling much more...irritated by the way things happen (or don't for that matter). A's favorite saying is "Because I'm the mom" and I get why she says it. However her children are grown adults, capable of making their own choices, decisions and dealing with the consequences. I don't want decisions or choices that J and I have made for Nugget (ex. no soda, no solid foods unless we're working on introducing them - and we give you what we're introducing, don't bash the decision to breastfeed or bottlefeed...etc) to be ignored because she feels that she knows better. It won't fly with me, not with our child. And the fact that it seems that I'm not listened to now, gives me great fears it won't change once Nugget is here.

I think the thing that bothers me the most about the whole situation is that I don't know how to change it. On one hand, I don't want to be the bitch of the family, that seems to go against the grain of what everyone else wants. On the other, I expect to be respected, just as they demand I respect them. I don't want to start family drama (I've had enough of that to last a lifetime - but that's another post) but I don't think what I'm asking for is all that outrageous or unheard of and I don't want to go to extremes to make my point, but for my family I will...

Random Fact: Porcupines can FLOAT!! Yup.


Sheri said...

I love that you used the HRPitA

Also here's what I think when it comes to my kids. The only other person besides me who has a direct affect on their upbringing is their father. That's it. I may ask advice from people I trust but NO ONE tells me about my child. Because there is no one who knows them like I do.

I speak about me because I don't want to tell you how to act around your in-laws. Anyone can disrespect me but if you disrespect my kid the claws come out. So I say talk to J about it, make sure you are on the same page regarding both your families. If there are concerns be honest about them and figure them out before Nugget gets here. J is your biggest ally.

I have a very opinionated FIL who seems to think his opinion is the only one that matters. He's lovely in other aspects don't get me wrong, but there are times when he's immovable attitude gets annoying. When my DD was an infant he had an opinion about how much I held her. She would cry when other people tried and I would go get her because she wanted me. He made a comment about her not learning to be independent (or something stupid like that she was 4 months old!) if I did that. I kept my mouth shut but my DH spoke up and said 'If she wants her mother she goes to her mother.' His tone was just as firm and strong as his dad's can be (let's face it they are very similar) and thankfully his dad backed down. I don't think I could have done it as well, cause he's not my parent.

This very long comment to say, I totally believe you will do everything in your power for your child. Do this alongside J and no one will be able to stand against you.

How's that for support? LOL <3