Thursday, September 17, 2009

I hate feeling like this.

I hate feeling defective but I know no other way to feel.

I'm so happy for my friend L. She found out she was pregnant today. It'll be her second child. I found out I was not. I'll grin and smile and bear the pain. She's my friend.

I guess I shouldn't be suprised or upset but I am and it hurts. It hasn't happened again yet. I don't think I'm going to be able to get pregnant. I think someone upstairs realized they made a mistake the 1st time and flicked the switch to make sure it doesn't happen again. It's not fair.

I want to cry but I don't have the energy. I keep telling myself I'm not going to get my hopes up and then I do. I...I just suck.

Random Fact: The rose is the official National Floral emblem of the United States. This legislation was signed into law by President Ronald Reagan on October 7, 1986. The rose is also the state flower selected by Georgia, Iowa, New York, North Dakota and the District of Columbia.


Sheri said...

Oh hunny *hug* I will not mince words...that totally blows. Oh and God did not 'decide he made a mistake' the first time...promise. I wish to high heaven (literally) that I knew why this has to be so hard for some people. It pisses me off on your behalf...try not to loose face hun...I'll go beat up the word 'wait' for ya kay? :)